Sunday, October 12, 2008

Life Is Not Fair..Teaching Life Lessons That Are Real..

Perhaps I am jaded; or perhaps I have a sick sense of reality and humor. But this past week found me perusing the children's book section of my local franchise book store with Jeff...As we wandered I searched for books to add to the "grandparent" collection we have started at the house for our newborn grandchild..Yes that is correct..I at the tender age of 40 became a step-grandma this week..yet another life change to get my head around..

But I digress..the books and subject matter were happy, politically correct, "feel good" "play fair" make it even kind of stories..take care of each other, take care of the environment, play nice, don't hit, don't fight, and make life "fair" kind of stories..Great lessons for kids..I get that...however..when do we teach them the real stuff? I too would love to live in nirvana 24/7. The reality is that someone is always going to be smarter, prettier, faster, and have more money then I. Someone sometime is going to be mean, cruel, hurtful or injure you. Some people get hurt, have illness and die. We have harsh realities in life that no matter how hard we try to protect and avoid for our children they are going to learn eventually..

I know people who home school their kids to "avoid" the realities of life in public schools. I know people who feed their children only home grown organic foods and no sugar..I know people who refuse to speak of ethnic and cultural differences in their home for fear of being "pegged" racist..I know parents who feel sexual expression is wrong and that "god" commands it happens only after marriage..

I don't know about you..but the thought of a generation of protected children puts fear in my soul. Naive is sweet..but when it comes to a nation in stress, financially, and facing challenges from third world countries where children are taught Americans are evil and how to kill at tender ages..I feel a tremor of fear that is difficult to shake..

I believe in parent choices..but as a parent I also feel it is my responsibility to fully educate my child..to give them both sides of the equation and then my opinion and why I feel that way..I would love for the world to be peaceful and loving..but in my 40 years of life, and reading chapter after chapter of history I have yet to see human beings ever being able to capture this for all..We are after all humans..

The first lesson I would teach...that life is not fair..get over it..In my 10 years of leadership it is the reality of many employees that fairness is something they demand..but as defined by their rights..If it is "good for them" then it is fair...human nature to define it that way isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I strive for fair and equal treatment of employees..but as a leader, we have the right to discretion to weigh and balance that fairness. In situations of peer to peer confrontation it is not always possible to get the win/win..sometimes there is the perception of "unfair".

I often wonder where is it written that life is supposed to be fair? I ask that question of every person who shows up in my office demanding fairness be part of the equation..I ask it nicely..and I ask them where did you learn that fairness is part of life? out of curiosity..

In my own life of experiences, I learned very early life was not fair..If it were, I would have been born with two functional eyes, would not have spent my childhood in glasses, with a patched eye, unable to catch a ball..I would not have had allergies or asthma..I would have been thin, blond, smart and beautiful.. In retrospect if my mom had home schooled, I would never have learned coping mechanisms for taunting..i would have not learned to use humor and verbal skills to the level I have in my life..I would not have been taught that libraries are full of the world at my fingertips; and that escaping my small town existence could be done in an hour of reading..

Life lessons have merit..we need to recognize them for what they are to children...protect them, but teach them...allow them to learn from experience and discussion at a young age..not at 20 when they naively see the real world for the first time..

This grandma is going to make sure her grandchildren learn realities of life, along with the nirvana we wish it to be...but also..that life is what you make of it..use the skills you have to overcome the skills and gifts you have not been given..

Perhaps I shall write a book...

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