A Sense of Purpose

Why is it that we find happiness and a sense of well being when we find ourselves with a purpose? I am speaking on this from a personal point of view, and also from a professional observation of elders, and staff who find "themselves" when they are given a sense of purpose in their daily lives. It really is ironic that in the giving, the nice, the doing the right thing, we can find true happiness and a sense of fulfilled well being. Perhaps this is what Maslow meant by reaching the pinnacle of personal needs, self actualization. Whatever it is; it just feels good to have a purpose and it is especially good when the purpose is directed toward the good for others.

This week found myself and a few staff members at a Habitat for Humanity house that is being built for one of our fellow staff members. As we learned new skills, (who knew a bunch of office girls could learn to use power tools, and install vinyl sofits?), we also discovered something that we forget in the daily grind called work. The doing for someone without a pay reward, without any expectation of recognition or merit; feels really good. Our work had a purpose, and the purpose had a kind giving outcome.

As I reflected on this; it occurred to me that this "purpose" and sense of well being that we all felt, is the same emotion and feeling that our elders have when we allow them to find a purpose in our homes. I see examples every day of elders who attempt to help each other; give back to the staff who care for them; or find "jobs" to do that have meaning. As caregivers, we too often try to "do it all" for the elders we care for. Families also have an expectation that as caregivers we are "paid" to do these tasks for their loved one; and sadly sometimes they do not see the pride in a bed that mom made herself; or the table that dad helped to set for the group meal; instead it is viewed as a possible slacking on the staffs behalf; and subsequently, the "best" of caregivers attempt to do it all for the elders they serve.

Sometimes both families/customers and staff confuse this "doing it all" with customer service. Unfortunately, in our effort to be the best at customer service we sometimes fail the actual customer our resident and elder. In our great customer service we take away from them some of the simple tasks, and behaviors that if they are allowed to do for themselves, give them a sense of purpose; or even better when allowed to help each other provides them with the same emotional sense of fulfillment that we get in our volunteering and doing good for others.

When you think of yourself as an aged adult, who may be dependent for care, what do you think you will need to find personal emotional well being?

We can all make jokes or statements about when we are old we will be waited on; and have people at our beck and call for all tasks. In reality; if you have worked hard for a living; have done volunteer work; raised a family, and been a productive citizen; chances are you have had purpose in everything you have done thus far. So why would it be any different for you as you age?

The reality is that it will not be; and that you too will want a job, something productive to do for yourself or others to find your sense of worth. I think it is in our hard wire as humans that purpose drives our lives; we need it for survival.

As caregivers, we need to recognize the need for purpose and find ways to give all of our elders an opportunity to continue experiencing the sense of self worth they deserve and desire. As family members of elders, we need to allow our loved ones the dignity to continue the things that give them purpose and recognize that their need is no different then our own.