Milestones, Memory and Insight...

So it is Sunday; I have just finished a major life accomplishment, (checked it off the list of things to do before I turn 40); I walked a 12 mile walk today with a group of Catholic parishoners from one small burb, (translate that to a dot on the map that includes a quaint Catholic church, and a bar...) to another burb, (larger dot, with a stop light and a larger Catholic parish!). It was a great morning, I am a little sore, but the cool thing is that I could not have done this at 30 and I am ready to take on the next walk later this summer.

The only irony in this; is that I no longer consider myself Catholic. I converted to Lutheran upon my marriage, and have been very involved in our church; we have raised our son Lutheran, and I consider Martin Luther to be one of my personal heroes...

So why am I sharing? As we walked, mass was performed intermittenly with what I will call Catholic rituals. I found myself in an odd place of comfort/discomfort and I wonder if it is what someone with Alzheimer's feels when they remember things from their past, but cannot grasp why they are remembering them... I found myself speaking along the rosary, the words flowing from my long term memory. There was a sense of loss that I really can't describe in that moment as I started to recite from memory, without even thinking as to the "why". I felt a need to recall the moments spent in church with my family; at catechism; and a few treasured moments with my grandmother.

This odd sense of memory and reflection, gave me a new insight into the mind; and how our elders whom suffer from memory loss; must feel when something clicks and they can recall. Without being able to tell us the how and what of the dementia process; as caregivers we should grasp our own "ah-ha" moments and use them as our guide to what the experience must be like. I know that in my training of new staff; I will share this personal experience with them; and ask them to spend some time being "aware" of what their mind does for them; and how at times it leads us on an unexpected path of memory.

So as I sit here and write; I am still spending some moments thinking about the childhood church memories; and where/how I learned the rituals that are apparently still deeply embedded in the grey matter.