As I write, I am sitting near an Army Reserve location in Indiana. Watching soldiers, come and go from the base like ants who all look alike busy scurrying about doing their busy work. The business of war. The business of defending freedoms that you and I take for granted every day.
As a female those freedoms are as simple as choosing what I want to wear, the right to be single or marry a man of my choosing, the right to vote, the right to bear arms, swear, drink alcohol, and work in a profession that I want. I can go to a store and spend my money on items I want. I can go to school and learn about anything I desire. I can read any material I choose.
Unlike many of my female peers who continue to feel "wronged" in the game of life's fairness; I am grateful for the rights and freedoms that we have as women in America. I am eternally grateful to those who put their lives in the line of danger every day so that I can enjoy my very self serving free choices..
It saddens me to hear about Americans bemoaning their lot in life..I say "Spoiled, entitlement seeking, immature humans..grow up!"...be grateful...rejoice, and be humble in the gifts you have as an American..!
In honor of the upcoming Memorial Day Holiday, I ask you to spend time with your families, and share a moment honoring those freedoms, and those who have given their lives so you can eat that steak, wear that bikini and drink that martini...
May God's grace find and keep those safe serving in war zones, and may God give comfort to the families who have lost sons and daughters this year, may you know that there are Americans who honor and are humbled by the dedication and service of your family and loved ones. We share in your sorrow and loss.
To those whom are living with physical reminders of their service to this country, may you find healing and comfort in knowing that we support you and honor you for your service. God has a special place reserved for you, your a living reminder to the rest of us to not take freedom for granted.. So this month I challenge you all; buy a poppy, visit a veteran, buy a service man or woman a coffee or a meal if you see them..Demonstrate your appreciation always as we honor and remember on this very special holiday.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sweet Home..
The images of the south, the deep south that we have become indoctrinated with are of rednecks, racism, poverty, ignorance, and a way of life that most in the media would have us believe as "backward".
In fact if I asked you to visualize a small town in Alabama; you would think of those things listed and probably about twenty other things that would be categorized as less then P.C. or intellectual in nature.
The negative visions and images are the frequent display one is given when discussion about southern lifestyles and behaviors is discussed related to politico discussions of what "America" is about; and the life style of the south is often discounted as insignificant..
Interesting that some of those images are indeed accurate; but rather than placing them on the bucket half empty list; I ask you to reconsider your choice of image and think about the following things....
Huntsville and Birmingham are two of the fastest growing economies and job market cities in America. In fact, having spent time here, it is obvious that the recession has not touched this area to the depth it has in Michigan. Job postings are seen at many service areas as we walk through the thriving busy shopping center and downtown areas.
On Easter Sunday, in Michigan few if any major businesses were closed; in Alabama everything was shut down except for a few choice restaurants that opened "post worship". In fact, according to the locals, most Sunday shopping is still frowned upon..commerce on a family focus day is not a norm here..
Southern small towns in Alabama? Oh yes they exist..and they still thrive as their own small micro economic existences..One major commercial enterprise will maintain a community for generations. Think capitalism in it's purest forms..Small family owned businesses that support many other small families..
Politeness..Our 17 year old figured out that people here are just genuinely "nice". We have met so many just kind and polite people, that it gave me reassurance that social graces and rules can still exist. "where y'all from?" is the question that would seem a privacy violation to us northerners and we may respond with our hackles raised. In the south it is genuine kind question that usually follows a discussion of weather, the economy and the great things to do in their fair city or locale..
Customer service? Yeah, thinks truly are a bit slower here..That is a correct stereotype. But truly when was the last time you had your car wash done while they provide you with a glass of tea and a massage chair or bench to sit on outside and visit with other people getting their vehicle washed? Getting a coffee quickly at a starbucks..not quick like at home, but you get a "how ya''ll today?" and a "here's your coffee miss, y'all have a nice day you hear?" Unlike the not so friendly experience and eye roll I have gotten at a local coffee estab.
Perhaps instead of critical analysis of the southern states, we should take a collective look at what we can learn from them. I just hope that as "we" begin to infiltrate these areas in search of a better place to earn, live and raise our families, that we leave behind the worst of what we are; and instead adopt the best of what the south has to give us; character, values and ethics that emulate kindness, honesty and simplicity of living.
In fact if I asked you to visualize a small town in Alabama; you would think of those things listed and probably about twenty other things that would be categorized as less then P.C. or intellectual in nature.
The negative visions and images are the frequent display one is given when discussion about southern lifestyles and behaviors is discussed related to politico discussions of what "America" is about; and the life style of the south is often discounted as insignificant..
Interesting that some of those images are indeed accurate; but rather than placing them on the bucket half empty list; I ask you to reconsider your choice of image and think about the following things....
Huntsville and Birmingham are two of the fastest growing economies and job market cities in America. In fact, having spent time here, it is obvious that the recession has not touched this area to the depth it has in Michigan. Job postings are seen at many service areas as we walk through the thriving busy shopping center and downtown areas.
On Easter Sunday, in Michigan few if any major businesses were closed; in Alabama everything was shut down except for a few choice restaurants that opened "post worship". In fact, according to the locals, most Sunday shopping is still frowned upon..commerce on a family focus day is not a norm here..
Southern small towns in Alabama? Oh yes they exist..and they still thrive as their own small micro economic existences..One major commercial enterprise will maintain a community for generations. Think capitalism in it's purest forms..Small family owned businesses that support many other small families..
Politeness..Our 17 year old figured out that people here are just genuinely "nice". We have met so many just kind and polite people, that it gave me reassurance that social graces and rules can still exist. "where y'all from?" is the question that would seem a privacy violation to us northerners and we may respond with our hackles raised. In the south it is genuine kind question that usually follows a discussion of weather, the economy and the great things to do in their fair city or locale..
Customer service? Yeah, thinks truly are a bit slower here..That is a correct stereotype. But truly when was the last time you had your car wash done while they provide you with a glass of tea and a massage chair or bench to sit on outside and visit with other people getting their vehicle washed? Getting a coffee quickly at a starbucks..not quick like at home, but you get a "how ya''ll today?" and a "here's your coffee miss, y'all have a nice day you hear?" Unlike the not so friendly experience and eye roll I have gotten at a local coffee estab.
Perhaps instead of critical analysis of the southern states, we should take a collective look at what we can learn from them. I just hope that as "we" begin to infiltrate these areas in search of a better place to earn, live and raise our families, that we leave behind the worst of what we are; and instead adopt the best of what the south has to give us; character, values and ethics that emulate kindness, honesty and simplicity of living.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Family traditions and prophetic conjecture
I have not written in quite awhile. Mostly, due to changes in my life; I have a life outside of work now, and it is a very busy place.. However, the other part of not writing is simply sheer frustration at the lack of logic I keep encountering in this world, and our country.
For some reason, I was born into a family that not only did not allow political ignorance, but actually was conducive to debate and discussion at the family table.
Some families sit down to dinner and it is utter silence; outside the noise of chewing and fork hitting plate. I was married into such a family for 14 years and know that they exist. My family dinner table was a crazy, loud, competitive environment where we each tried to create the most dramatic story or debate.
Perhaps it had to do with having three sisters. Imagine a houseful of adolescent, teen aged, and preteen women. Each of us had our own agenda and issues. My parents, encouraged our debates and discussions. Interesting commentary at our table.
Neither of my parents were college educated. They both went to work after high school. My mom, worked as a telephone operator, my dad went into the navy then worked at a local farm implement dealership before he bought his first farm.
My parents, despite not having a college education; stayed informed. They attended farm bureau meetings, my mom was on township board, and my dad was a school board member for several years. They both shared a deep appreciation for capitalism, family values and a strong work ethic mixed in with a good dose of catholic morals and guilt.
Coming from this upbringing, where political frustration and debate happened on a fairly regular basis, I come to my yearning to be involved and express my thoughts naturally. I have however discovered that my upbringing in this politically charged, debate driven environment was not the norm for most of my peers.
Subsequently, I have also come to appreciate my father for demanding that political choices make logical sense to all involved. Logic to him means that decisions and choices must have a real purpose with a rational being. I also appreciate his business sense; i note this as a gift from his father who had a very smart business sense about him.
My mom, has given me her passion and drive to stop injustice and create change. I often joke that my parents were conservative hippies. My mom, taught me to stand up for what I believe in, using my voice and skill to get my point across; and to not give a rats...(behind?) about what people think of you for doing so.
Coming from this background; is it any wonder that I write about and share my angst with the changes coming to our country and feel helpless to stop the tide of change that will forever change the face of a great democracy? Yes democracy. It is not the dirty word those in Washington want you to think it is..
Another family insight...
My grandfather, told me that America was forever changed for the worse when they introduced income tax at the federal level. He told me that my generation and my son's generation would never be able to find the wealth and success that his generation did due to income tax and the social programs that came with it. He stated he understood charity, and I might add that he and my Grandma were generous donors to the catholic charities. What he did understand was simple economic principles, and these principles were lost on my generation and it would be the end of America as a democracy.
This conversation was the only real conversation I ever had with my Grandfather. Being one of over 25 grand kids, we didn't get a ton of one on one time. His message has stuck with me. I had this conversation with him shortly before he passed away, he was very weak, sitting on his couch. I don't remember how the conversation came up, but we had it, and I keep his message as a mantra and focus in my political work and choices.
Simple economics to my grandfather, and my father, tells me that to keep a country like America great and number one it demands that we place no limits on human ingenuity, success and innovation.
While there are many personal motivators for creativity and innovation, the human motivator and definition of success is wealth and money. Note I did not say greed, I said money. Many of you will argue that the reward is simply knowing that you did it. I will argue with you that having worked as a leader for over 15 years, kudos are great, but financial rewards with success rewarded by public acknowledgement is the best motivator for creativity.
If you are really honest with yourself, how do you get motivated to do your best work? I like the atta girls, but I really like the extra cash incentives for a great job completed. They tell me I am on the right path and I feel successful when they occur.. I think any of you can recall a time when you were given a raise, a bonus or attained a new higher paying job and felt that bit of success and self esteem that came with it coursing through you..You felt like you could take on anything at that moment.. It is that feeling and personal experience of success that the leaders of this country wish to destroy with the social program changes and taxation/shared wealth programs that are going to foisted upon us..
So what happens when successful and innovative, creative people can't keep their financial rewards or have financial success?
If we take away these very human motivators, and crush them with high taxes and forced wealth sharing you create apathy and apathy leads to laziness, and laziness stops creativity and soon we will be France..Or England...Or Germany...Or Canada..
Seriously...outside of good food, what inventive, creative, ingenious things have the socialized European countries created in the last 50 years? Not a hell of a lot...
My Grandfather's wisdom has come full circle. My parents push to remain involved and not allow political or economic ignorance has given me the gift of sight.. some days I curse them, and loudly, for not keeping my childhood ignorant...I so desire to be part of the unknowing...simply blissfully unaware or not caring...It seems so much easier...
Welcome to socialism, communism and the new way of life in America. Who needs to work hard? all it will get you is more forced charity, so others don't have to work quite as hard as you do..
For some reason, I was born into a family that not only did not allow political ignorance, but actually was conducive to debate and discussion at the family table.
Some families sit down to dinner and it is utter silence; outside the noise of chewing and fork hitting plate. I was married into such a family for 14 years and know that they exist. My family dinner table was a crazy, loud, competitive environment where we each tried to create the most dramatic story or debate.
Perhaps it had to do with having three sisters. Imagine a houseful of adolescent, teen aged, and preteen women. Each of us had our own agenda and issues. My parents, encouraged our debates and discussions. Interesting commentary at our table.
Neither of my parents were college educated. They both went to work after high school. My mom, worked as a telephone operator, my dad went into the navy then worked at a local farm implement dealership before he bought his first farm.
My parents, despite not having a college education; stayed informed. They attended farm bureau meetings, my mom was on township board, and my dad was a school board member for several years. They both shared a deep appreciation for capitalism, family values and a strong work ethic mixed in with a good dose of catholic morals and guilt.
Coming from this upbringing, where political frustration and debate happened on a fairly regular basis, I come to my yearning to be involved and express my thoughts naturally. I have however discovered that my upbringing in this politically charged, debate driven environment was not the norm for most of my peers.
Subsequently, I have also come to appreciate my father for demanding that political choices make logical sense to all involved. Logic to him means that decisions and choices must have a real purpose with a rational being. I also appreciate his business sense; i note this as a gift from his father who had a very smart business sense about him.
My mom, has given me her passion and drive to stop injustice and create change. I often joke that my parents were conservative hippies. My mom, taught me to stand up for what I believe in, using my voice and skill to get my point across; and to not give a rats...(behind?) about what people think of you for doing so.
Coming from this background; is it any wonder that I write about and share my angst with the changes coming to our country and feel helpless to stop the tide of change that will forever change the face of a great democracy? Yes democracy. It is not the dirty word those in Washington want you to think it is..
Another family insight...
My grandfather, told me that America was forever changed for the worse when they introduced income tax at the federal level. He told me that my generation and my son's generation would never be able to find the wealth and success that his generation did due to income tax and the social programs that came with it. He stated he understood charity, and I might add that he and my Grandma were generous donors to the catholic charities. What he did understand was simple economic principles, and these principles were lost on my generation and it would be the end of America as a democracy.
This conversation was the only real conversation I ever had with my Grandfather. Being one of over 25 grand kids, we didn't get a ton of one on one time. His message has stuck with me. I had this conversation with him shortly before he passed away, he was very weak, sitting on his couch. I don't remember how the conversation came up, but we had it, and I keep his message as a mantra and focus in my political work and choices.
Simple economics to my grandfather, and my father, tells me that to keep a country like America great and number one it demands that we place no limits on human ingenuity, success and innovation.
While there are many personal motivators for creativity and innovation, the human motivator and definition of success is wealth and money. Note I did not say greed, I said money. Many of you will argue that the reward is simply knowing that you did it. I will argue with you that having worked as a leader for over 15 years, kudos are great, but financial rewards with success rewarded by public acknowledgement is the best motivator for creativity.
If you are really honest with yourself, how do you get motivated to do your best work? I like the atta girls, but I really like the extra cash incentives for a great job completed. They tell me I am on the right path and I feel successful when they occur.. I think any of you can recall a time when you were given a raise, a bonus or attained a new higher paying job and felt that bit of success and self esteem that came with it coursing through you..You felt like you could take on anything at that moment.. It is that feeling and personal experience of success that the leaders of this country wish to destroy with the social program changes and taxation/shared wealth programs that are going to foisted upon us..
So what happens when successful and innovative, creative people can't keep their financial rewards or have financial success?
If we take away these very human motivators, and crush them with high taxes and forced wealth sharing you create apathy and apathy leads to laziness, and laziness stops creativity and soon we will be France..Or England...Or Germany...Or Canada..
Seriously...outside of good food, what inventive, creative, ingenious things have the socialized European countries created in the last 50 years? Not a hell of a lot...
My Grandfather's wisdom has come full circle. My parents push to remain involved and not allow political or economic ignorance has given me the gift of sight.. some days I curse them, and loudly, for not keeping my childhood ignorant...I so desire to be part of the unknowing...simply blissfully unaware or not caring...It seems so much easier...
Welcome to socialism, communism and the new way of life in America. Who needs to work hard? all it will get you is more forced charity, so others don't have to work quite as hard as you do..
Monday, June 8, 2009
Common Sense...
Funny thing about me.. I am not often thought of as the poster child for rational ideas and strategically aligned and consecutive thought patterns...Yet, I am struggling with the insanity of our world and the total lack of common sense rational use of brain tissue of society....
I just finished reading about a town in California that is now criminalizing banks for the blight of homes that have been foreclosed upon and now sit abandoned in high priced neighborhoods with lawns over grown, and pools filled with breeding ponds of yuck.. The author interviewed a well meaning town spokesperson who stated that by "criminalizing" the situation they are finally getting the banks attention and getting things fixed in these homes..
Really...
How incredibly pathetic for all involved...and you and I my friends continue to pay for this lunacy..
I don't care how you feel about home foreclosure and banks..the bottom line is that no one wants to be accountable, and no one again desires to sit down and "Problem Solve" this situation for America..Some of us feel that home owners who got in over their heads or lost their jobs should have some type of accountability for their choices. Others of us feel that the banks shouldn't have loaned the money in the first place..
Irregardless..looking back we are all responsible..and now those of us still working, still paying taxes and living in our own devalued and over priced homes will continue to pay for the attempts to correct the problem..and the attempts thus far have been fruitless bureaucratic tax wrought nightmares of increasing regulation and little result..
Solution that seems so simple yet not given? Let the original home owner live in the home and maintain the home with a monthly check system to verify that the home is being maintained while it is placed on the for sale market. Have the homeowner sign a lease with legal ramifications for damages or disrepair that occurs while they legally "squat" in their homes. Place the criminal action on the home owner but give them a cheap place to live with their family while they try to redefine their lives...
As a neighbor, I keep my neighbors and know that the home will be in the same shape it has always been in. For the home owner, they can allow their children to stay in school, and not panic about loss of home along with loss of job while they start at ground zero and over with their lives. For the banks, the home is maintained, utilities remain on and the devaluation risks diminish from a home being occupied rather then vacant and unkempt..For you and I as tax payers..the entire situation sucks..but at least in this scenario our neighborhoods should cease to look like wastelands and the banks decreased loss should help us or our children in the future financially..
But again..common sense does not exist in the vocabulary of society..I wonder if Webster even has it in the book any longer?
I just finished reading about a town in California that is now criminalizing banks for the blight of homes that have been foreclosed upon and now sit abandoned in high priced neighborhoods with lawns over grown, and pools filled with breeding ponds of yuck.. The author interviewed a well meaning town spokesperson who stated that by "criminalizing" the situation they are finally getting the banks attention and getting things fixed in these homes..
Really...
How incredibly pathetic for all involved...and you and I my friends continue to pay for this lunacy..
I don't care how you feel about home foreclosure and banks..the bottom line is that no one wants to be accountable, and no one again desires to sit down and "Problem Solve" this situation for America..Some of us feel that home owners who got in over their heads or lost their jobs should have some type of accountability for their choices. Others of us feel that the banks shouldn't have loaned the money in the first place..
Irregardless..looking back we are all responsible..and now those of us still working, still paying taxes and living in our own devalued and over priced homes will continue to pay for the attempts to correct the problem..and the attempts thus far have been fruitless bureaucratic tax wrought nightmares of increasing regulation and little result..
Solution that seems so simple yet not given? Let the original home owner live in the home and maintain the home with a monthly check system to verify that the home is being maintained while it is placed on the for sale market. Have the homeowner sign a lease with legal ramifications for damages or disrepair that occurs while they legally "squat" in their homes. Place the criminal action on the home owner but give them a cheap place to live with their family while they try to redefine their lives...
As a neighbor, I keep my neighbors and know that the home will be in the same shape it has always been in. For the home owner, they can allow their children to stay in school, and not panic about loss of home along with loss of job while they start at ground zero and over with their lives. For the banks, the home is maintained, utilities remain on and the devaluation risks diminish from a home being occupied rather then vacant and unkempt..For you and I as tax payers..the entire situation sucks..but at least in this scenario our neighborhoods should cease to look like wastelands and the banks decreased loss should help us or our children in the future financially..
But again..common sense does not exist in the vocabulary of society..I wonder if Webster even has it in the book any longer?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Health Care Reform
Funny times..I am in D.C. doing some "visits" or briefings as they are called in our world regarding the proposed health care reforms and medicare changes. It has been enlightening.
I have met some very interesting individuals and had discussion topics brought up regarding these issues. The most interesting thing for me has been the "silo" effect long term care has in regard to our thinking everyone is aware of our concerns, services and outcomes.
We, that is long term care/nursing homes/skilled nursing homes and assisted livings represent 1% of the total GNP for America, in Michigan it is probably now higher. Yet, we assume our message of services and product is out there for all to know. The sad fact is that very few of the Congressmen we met with truly grasp the entire story of who we are.
There is no easy answer to what needs to happen to health care. Even in our own organization we are all over the page regarding desired outcomes, reform ideas and program changes.
However, there is one thing that must happen; this must be a multi-party idea generation and change thinking process for it to be successful. I am dismayed to hear that the current planning is being done in very quiet secluded meetings excluding many people from the table, including long term care and the conservative thinkers about spending..Two very big mistakes that will doom to failure any program that is brought out.
Funny, the first thing I learned as a leader was the concept of team buy in and consensus. Perhaps it is my naitevity or lack of large ego that gives me cause to seek consensus on major projects..
I guess my first lesson from D.C. is the need to get a bigger ego, and lose some ideals of leadership basics..Intellectuals don't need to be told what the people really need..they simply know what is best because of their higher level of intelligence and superior level of understanding..
I have met some very interesting individuals and had discussion topics brought up regarding these issues. The most interesting thing for me has been the "silo" effect long term care has in regard to our thinking everyone is aware of our concerns, services and outcomes.
We, that is long term care/nursing homes/skilled nursing homes and assisted livings represent 1% of the total GNP for America, in Michigan it is probably now higher. Yet, we assume our message of services and product is out there for all to know. The sad fact is that very few of the Congressmen we met with truly grasp the entire story of who we are.
There is no easy answer to what needs to happen to health care. Even in our own organization we are all over the page regarding desired outcomes, reform ideas and program changes.
However, there is one thing that must happen; this must be a multi-party idea generation and change thinking process for it to be successful. I am dismayed to hear that the current planning is being done in very quiet secluded meetings excluding many people from the table, including long term care and the conservative thinkers about spending..Two very big mistakes that will doom to failure any program that is brought out.
Funny, the first thing I learned as a leader was the concept of team buy in and consensus. Perhaps it is my naitevity or lack of large ego that gives me cause to seek consensus on major projects..
I guess my first lesson from D.C. is the need to get a bigger ego, and lose some ideals of leadership basics..Intellectuals don't need to be told what the people really need..they simply know what is best because of their higher level of intelligence and superior level of understanding..
Monday, May 11, 2009
Directionally challenged? STOP and ask for directions...
Oh my...my dissatisfaction with the conservatives; mostly those who run the grand old party...I say wake up! It is time to stop, and ask the general populous for some directional correction...
Yes, I am a conservative minded female..shocker..if you have read the blog entries you can figure that out from the first two sentences of any entry...What does shock many, or may shock those who know me best, is that I am not a religious right conservative, nor dare I say are most of my conservative minded friends..In fact, if you asked them and I; we would tell you that abortion, separation of church and state, prayer in school, are not the fundamental issues that our party should be focused on..
In fact, I would vote for a pro choice conservative that had the bigger picture of American rights and liberty as their main platform agenda..This is the discord that is ripping apart the religious conservatives and those of us who believe capitalism, free markets, and personal liberty to make choices and be accountable for those choices are the biggest issues facing not only our country but our society.
It is the loss of personal rights and the force of big government that scares me for my countries future. It is a generation of hands out, expecting everything to be given, but no work or accountability to be expected. It is the charismatic, "trust me" that people are listening too as they are stripped of their rights to individual liberties that generations of Americans fought to gain.
It is big government taking over private organizations...I beg you to find a government agency that works as effectively as well run organizations have or can? I think none...Perhaps it is because those politicians that are/have been in office, are career politicians, and the really intelligent, self motivated and focused individuals go into that ugly word...business...and they find...(gasp!) success...and they have the audacity to get paid really well for their skill and savvy...
So GOP...start asking..pay attention to the angst of Americans, all Americans and you can find success..It is a very small percentage that feel socialism is a successful venture. Start thinking about ways to provide services with less tax, yet allow for personal liberties..Focus on the real gut wrenching issues Americans are anxious about..and get a new directional route..If you/we fail..we are doomed...and the GOP will become a historical movement that is not looked or recalled with favor..simply...they lost direction...and instead of moving forward they turned in circles, until they ceased to exist any longer..
Yes, I am a conservative minded female..shocker..if you have read the blog entries you can figure that out from the first two sentences of any entry...What does shock many, or may shock those who know me best, is that I am not a religious right conservative, nor dare I say are most of my conservative minded friends..In fact, if you asked them and I; we would tell you that abortion, separation of church and state, prayer in school, are not the fundamental issues that our party should be focused on..
In fact, I would vote for a pro choice conservative that had the bigger picture of American rights and liberty as their main platform agenda..This is the discord that is ripping apart the religious conservatives and those of us who believe capitalism, free markets, and personal liberty to make choices and be accountable for those choices are the biggest issues facing not only our country but our society.
It is the loss of personal rights and the force of big government that scares me for my countries future. It is a generation of hands out, expecting everything to be given, but no work or accountability to be expected. It is the charismatic, "trust me" that people are listening too as they are stripped of their rights to individual liberties that generations of Americans fought to gain.
It is big government taking over private organizations...I beg you to find a government agency that works as effectively as well run organizations have or can? I think none...Perhaps it is because those politicians that are/have been in office, are career politicians, and the really intelligent, self motivated and focused individuals go into that ugly word...business...and they find...(gasp!) success...and they have the audacity to get paid really well for their skill and savvy...
So GOP...start asking..pay attention to the angst of Americans, all Americans and you can find success..It is a very small percentage that feel socialism is a successful venture. Start thinking about ways to provide services with less tax, yet allow for personal liberties..Focus on the real gut wrenching issues Americans are anxious about..and get a new directional route..If you/we fail..we are doomed...and the GOP will become a historical movement that is not looked or recalled with favor..simply...they lost direction...and instead of moving forward they turned in circles, until they ceased to exist any longer..
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Be wary of the hand that feeds you..it may choke you tomorrow..
A lesson to AIG....
When times were good, and you were a private company making significant money, you probably deserved lavish raises and bonuses. As a believer of free markets, it is my belief that as a private owner it is the right of a company and it's board to reward those who make it money.
When times became bad, your ethics and true values became apparent. This behavior, like those of your other large corporate failing brethren have left a sour taste in the mouths of Americans. Especially when the dollars you have so lavishly received from our government are being taken from the pay checks of average hard working Americans, who are struggling to put food on the table and are shopping at salvation army for their family.
The very behavior of such companies during these hard economic times will be the destruction of free market beliefs in this country. Public outcry to destroy and control such companies will lead this country into a socialized government..pathetically sad that business did this to itself..not all business..some very big businesses where greed got in the way of ethics and value based choices..
I have struggled with my belief in free markets because of this uncontrolled behavior. I have struggled with government buyouts..I have been taught that when you screw up, you own your mistake and you fix it on your own..perhaps with some well placed guidance, but always on my own..
We are screaming as a society about this entitlement behavior, but it is the same behavior that we ourselves espouse to our young people, it is our own belief about things at work...we have lost all sense of personal accountability for our actions and taking the lumps with our mistakes.
Well AIG, you are no longer private. You are no longer self controlling..that money you took so willingly is going to come at a price. Each of you who are getting bonuses deserve the public scrutiny, public outcry and anger. I anticipate that your names will be public knowledge in a very short time; I imagine that your neighbors and church members will shun you; you will get hate mail and be publicly called out by strangers for your greed. It will be interesting to watch the non reactions that I assume you will have..only soul less individuals could live a good life knowing that they money they are receiving is not only undeserved but morally wrong to accept.
Yes the price you will pay for taking the tax payer dollar, is the tax payer outrage..let us hope and pray it does not resort to violence...
When times were good, and you were a private company making significant money, you probably deserved lavish raises and bonuses. As a believer of free markets, it is my belief that as a private owner it is the right of a company and it's board to reward those who make it money.
When times became bad, your ethics and true values became apparent. This behavior, like those of your other large corporate failing brethren have left a sour taste in the mouths of Americans. Especially when the dollars you have so lavishly received from our government are being taken from the pay checks of average hard working Americans, who are struggling to put food on the table and are shopping at salvation army for their family.
The very behavior of such companies during these hard economic times will be the destruction of free market beliefs in this country. Public outcry to destroy and control such companies will lead this country into a socialized government..pathetically sad that business did this to itself..not all business..some very big businesses where greed got in the way of ethics and value based choices..
I have struggled with my belief in free markets because of this uncontrolled behavior. I have struggled with government buyouts..I have been taught that when you screw up, you own your mistake and you fix it on your own..perhaps with some well placed guidance, but always on my own..
We are screaming as a society about this entitlement behavior, but it is the same behavior that we ourselves espouse to our young people, it is our own belief about things at work...we have lost all sense of personal accountability for our actions and taking the lumps with our mistakes.
Well AIG, you are no longer private. You are no longer self controlling..that money you took so willingly is going to come at a price. Each of you who are getting bonuses deserve the public scrutiny, public outcry and anger. I anticipate that your names will be public knowledge in a very short time; I imagine that your neighbors and church members will shun you; you will get hate mail and be publicly called out by strangers for your greed. It will be interesting to watch the non reactions that I assume you will have..only soul less individuals could live a good life knowing that they money they are receiving is not only undeserved but morally wrong to accept.
Yes the price you will pay for taking the tax payer dollar, is the tax payer outrage..let us hope and pray it does not resort to violence...
Monday, December 15, 2008
Momma's Got Your Back...
Have you ever had one of those moments at work where something occurs and you are rendered speechless by the audacity of the situation? I think I have seen much in the world of human behavior..however last week I encountered a situation that confirmed for me as a leader what our next generation will bring to us and the work place....
It gave me pause to think about what we have created in our effort to give our children the perfect world to live in; we have created overly confident,entitlement believing, dependent children. Ahhh..the millenniums..
Don't get me wrong, I think there is great value in self confidence, but self confidence is earned, not given as a false sense..There is value in failure of self, and learning to overcome our shortcomings, dealing with the reality of life, the pecking order of life so to speak; teaches us great things about who we are, who we can become or who we won't become. Giving your child the opportunity to fail, fall down, and then pick themselves up is one of the best life lessons we can do as parents...Yet,very few parents are able to stomach watching the reality of this. Instead, we now salve our parental angst with guilt ridden support for situations that if left to their own devices and outcomes could bring maturity and growth value beyond measure.
Hence my topic. Imagine your momma calling your boss to fight for your job; that you lost on your own volition due to attendance, attitude and work ethic. That's right, momma's got your back.
Huh..never thought of my mom as my labor negotiator or muscle..especially when I was 25 years old.
It gave me pause to think about what we have created in our effort to give our children the perfect world to live in; we have created overly confident,entitlement believing, dependent children. Ahhh..the millenniums..
Don't get me wrong, I think there is great value in self confidence, but self confidence is earned, not given as a false sense..There is value in failure of self, and learning to overcome our shortcomings, dealing with the reality of life, the pecking order of life so to speak; teaches us great things about who we are, who we can become or who we won't become. Giving your child the opportunity to fail, fall down, and then pick themselves up is one of the best life lessons we can do as parents...Yet,very few parents are able to stomach watching the reality of this. Instead, we now salve our parental angst with guilt ridden support for situations that if left to their own devices and outcomes could bring maturity and growth value beyond measure.
Hence my topic. Imagine your momma calling your boss to fight for your job; that you lost on your own volition due to attendance, attitude and work ethic. That's right, momma's got your back.
Huh..never thought of my mom as my labor negotiator or muscle..especially when I was 25 years old.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Newest Fairy Tale...
Interesting times they found themselves in. Jobs were scarce, money was tight, bills were surmounting, houses were being taken; blame was being handed out like candy canes from Santa, credit was no longer, retirement savings were diminished, vacations and frivolity were cancelled..the poor were hungry, and health care became a privilege..Yet no one could account for what had happened...They walked amongst themselves mumbling and grumbling about responsibility and argued over fault and blame. Who could have allowed this to happen? Who did this to us they asked over and over...
Not I said the UAW worker, "I simply take my check, retirement and benefits and go home at night, I work hard for my pay and benefits I deserve it and am owed".
Not I said the home owner; "I bought my house with 0 percent down, and could make the payments when I was working, but now my house is worth less then when I bought it; so I shall just leave; the bank should have known better".
Not I said the credit card user; "I pay my minimum payments, so I have been late a few times, everyone else is too". The card was given to me to use; so what if I don't pay it off...no else is either".
Not I said the auto CEO, "my company vision is what people want and crave; we must give them what they want; who cares about what they need", our product may be overpriced because of labor inputs, and outdated for fuel efficiency..but people want to buy American".
Not I said the lender; "I put people in homes who could never have afforded one, I met their need for instant gratification, it is what they wanted". They deserve their high percentage of interest..they agreed to it..
Not I said the bureaucrat, "I vote for what people tell me they want; they want more regulations and more government services", I am giving service to my country; and I deserve a full service retirement and benefits...
SO, they all pulled together and voted in a touted savior..He shall lead them to light and fix the wrongs that have been thrust upon them..and they shall follow his lead and words...blaming someone else for the problem but never themselves..And they will all live happily ever after in that place called Nirvana..
Yes this is the new American Fairy Tale..feel free to print and share..I am looking forward to reading it to my grandchildren as we sit in our box known as a home and I share stories about what once was a great nation and how we fell...blaming each other for the wrongs of our life, and looking for someone to rescue us from our own making of demise...
Not I said the UAW worker, "I simply take my check, retirement and benefits and go home at night, I work hard for my pay and benefits I deserve it and am owed".
Not I said the home owner; "I bought my house with 0 percent down, and could make the payments when I was working, but now my house is worth less then when I bought it; so I shall just leave; the bank should have known better".
Not I said the credit card user; "I pay my minimum payments, so I have been late a few times, everyone else is too". The card was given to me to use; so what if I don't pay it off...no else is either".
Not I said the auto CEO, "my company vision is what people want and crave; we must give them what they want; who cares about what they need", our product may be overpriced because of labor inputs, and outdated for fuel efficiency..but people want to buy American".
Not I said the lender; "I put people in homes who could never have afforded one, I met their need for instant gratification, it is what they wanted". They deserve their high percentage of interest..they agreed to it..
Not I said the bureaucrat, "I vote for what people tell me they want; they want more regulations and more government services", I am giving service to my country; and I deserve a full service retirement and benefits...
SO, they all pulled together and voted in a touted savior..He shall lead them to light and fix the wrongs that have been thrust upon them..and they shall follow his lead and words...blaming someone else for the problem but never themselves..And they will all live happily ever after in that place called Nirvana..
Yes this is the new American Fairy Tale..feel free to print and share..I am looking forward to reading it to my grandchildren as we sit in our box known as a home and I share stories about what once was a great nation and how we fell...blaming each other for the wrongs of our life, and looking for someone to rescue us from our own making of demise...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thankfulness...
As I sit here in my warm pink flannel jammies..eating a great apple..I ponder the day I had; the life I am living; and the choices that I have everyday..Today was a Monday..and like any other Monday, my day was filled with a host of characters..some who amaze me, some who annoy me; and others who fill my heart with sorrow at their struggles..
I turned 41 this weekend; and as I think of the crazy year that my 40th birthday brought to me; I am grateful and thankful that it is over and I am on my new path with renewed hope, direction and by God's grace a life filled with purpose and plan.
But what am I thankful for? Beyond the cliche, my health and family..I have found a few that will perhaps delight and remind us of the simple lessons and joys that "living vs. existing" brings to us. Open your mind and your eyes will see like a blind man seeing light for the first time..it can be an amazing thing...Jana
What I am thankful for..a list of 41 things my life has taught me to appreciate..(In no order..those who know me-know that randomness drives my mind)...
1. Warm socks when the tiled floor hits the feet in the morning..
2. The smell of fresh brewed coffee as it is delivered to me in the morning..
3. Having a man in my life who brings me hot coffee when I am getting ready for the day..
4. Milk duds..my new found candy addiction.
5. When traffic moves faster then the speed limit..
6. Putting on a pair of pants or a skirt that I haven't worn in awhile and it still fits!
7. The amazing shoe collection that my ex husband unknowingly helped me amass...
8. Having a job that is fairly recession proof, and job skills that are needed in the future..thank god for health care..
9. Staff who have constant negative attitudes and ethics issues..Their behavior keeps me gainfully in need and employed..
10. A best friend who knows my secrets and loves me in spite of them..
11. My stepson for teaching me a new approach to life and the love of spontaneous thoughts and giving.
12. My mom..as I age her idle chatter and life lessons have finally fallen on open ears and mind and she has moved up in my list of wise people.
13. Really cute but effective reading glasses that I now leave everywhere..
14. A really good magnifying mirror and good tweezers..
15. That the above statement makes my husband laugh and not go ewwwh!
16. Football and NFL cable packages that make it the only show on our television for 4 months...
17. That UofM at least won a few games unlike the Lions..
18. There are approximately less then 1300 days left until I can move south!
19. Credit card bills that are paid in full.
20. Being an equal in all ways with my spouse.
21. The challenge of an intellectual mind during a heated political debate..
22. The U.S. military for their service to this country to keep my ability to be free in all choices.
23. I can wear jeans, swear, drink, marry and divorce freely, and have rights as an equal to my male counterparts without fear of death or punishment.
24. Blues music that touches my soul..
25. Anyone who can get in touch with their inner self and express it thru art
26. For my mind and the ability to get as much knowledge as i can possibly fit into it..
27. For cookies and milk at night..
28. For people who do not judge but love unconditionally..
29. For my grandfather...he is over 90 and has lived the life we should all learn from..hard work, simple foods, good humor and simple joys.
30. I love football..thanks to the years sitting in the cold watching my athletically gifted child.
31. my love of cooking, and my mom teaching me how..
32. the pulse and rhythm of the big cities and loving them all.
33. the resilience and endurance of the people of new orleans.
34. People who get my lack of filter, and the over rated belief of political correctness.
35. Trust in the majority to be correct, but enough sense to know that "following the crowd mentality" is not my buy in.
36. My dad for teaching me the value of economics, and his father teaching me the true meaning of free market enterprise.
37. When people chose the right thing without reward, publicity or recognition...
38. People who have forgiving hearts and open minds as the base of their personality.
39. my boss for leading me to personal growth and awareness...
40. my upbringing in a small town.
41. my future...it is a place that I spend many days thinking about with endless possibilities!
Hope you all have a great holiday..peace, joy and take time to say thank you for the things in your life that have made you happy, grateful or just laugh..
Jana
I turned 41 this weekend; and as I think of the crazy year that my 40th birthday brought to me; I am grateful and thankful that it is over and I am on my new path with renewed hope, direction and by God's grace a life filled with purpose and plan.
But what am I thankful for? Beyond the cliche, my health and family..I have found a few that will perhaps delight and remind us of the simple lessons and joys that "living vs. existing" brings to us. Open your mind and your eyes will see like a blind man seeing light for the first time..it can be an amazing thing...Jana
What I am thankful for..a list of 41 things my life has taught me to appreciate..(In no order..those who know me-know that randomness drives my mind)...
1. Warm socks when the tiled floor hits the feet in the morning..
2. The smell of fresh brewed coffee as it is delivered to me in the morning..
3. Having a man in my life who brings me hot coffee when I am getting ready for the day..
4. Milk duds..my new found candy addiction.
5. When traffic moves faster then the speed limit..
6. Putting on a pair of pants or a skirt that I haven't worn in awhile and it still fits!
7. The amazing shoe collection that my ex husband unknowingly helped me amass...
8. Having a job that is fairly recession proof, and job skills that are needed in the future..thank god for health care..
9. Staff who have constant negative attitudes and ethics issues..Their behavior keeps me gainfully in need and employed..
10. A best friend who knows my secrets and loves me in spite of them..
11. My stepson for teaching me a new approach to life and the love of spontaneous thoughts and giving.
12. My mom..as I age her idle chatter and life lessons have finally fallen on open ears and mind and she has moved up in my list of wise people.
13. Really cute but effective reading glasses that I now leave everywhere..
14. A really good magnifying mirror and good tweezers..
15. That the above statement makes my husband laugh and not go ewwwh!
16. Football and NFL cable packages that make it the only show on our television for 4 months...
17. That UofM at least won a few games unlike the Lions..
18. There are approximately less then 1300 days left until I can move south!
19. Credit card bills that are paid in full.
20. Being an equal in all ways with my spouse.
21. The challenge of an intellectual mind during a heated political debate..
22. The U.S. military for their service to this country to keep my ability to be free in all choices.
23. I can wear jeans, swear, drink, marry and divorce freely, and have rights as an equal to my male counterparts without fear of death or punishment.
24. Blues music that touches my soul..
25. Anyone who can get in touch with their inner self and express it thru art
26. For my mind and the ability to get as much knowledge as i can possibly fit into it..
27. For cookies and milk at night..
28. For people who do not judge but love unconditionally..
29. For my grandfather...he is over 90 and has lived the life we should all learn from..hard work, simple foods, good humor and simple joys.
30. I love football..thanks to the years sitting in the cold watching my athletically gifted child.
31. my love of cooking, and my mom teaching me how..
32. the pulse and rhythm of the big cities and loving them all.
33. the resilience and endurance of the people of new orleans.
34. People who get my lack of filter, and the over rated belief of political correctness.
35. Trust in the majority to be correct, but enough sense to know that "following the crowd mentality" is not my buy in.
36. My dad for teaching me the value of economics, and his father teaching me the true meaning of free market enterprise.
37. When people chose the right thing without reward, publicity or recognition...
38. People who have forgiving hearts and open minds as the base of their personality.
39. my boss for leading me to personal growth and awareness...
40. my upbringing in a small town.
41. my future...it is a place that I spend many days thinking about with endless possibilities!
Hope you all have a great holiday..peace, joy and take time to say thank you for the things in your life that have made you happy, grateful or just laugh..
Jana
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Life Is Not Fair..Teaching Life Lessons That Are Real..
Perhaps I am jaded; or perhaps I have a sick sense of reality and humor. But this past week found me perusing the children's book section of my local franchise book store with Jeff...As we wandered I searched for books to add to the "grandparent" collection we have started at the house for our newborn grandchild..Yes that is correct..I at the tender age of 40 became a step-grandma this week..yet another life change to get my head around..
But I digress..the books and subject matter were happy, politically correct, "feel good" "play fair" make it even kind of stories..take care of each other, take care of the environment, play nice, don't hit, don't fight, and make life "fair" kind of stories..Great lessons for kids..I get that...however..when do we teach them the real stuff? I too would love to live in nirvana 24/7. The reality is that someone is always going to be smarter, prettier, faster, and have more money then I. Someone sometime is going to be mean, cruel, hurtful or injure you. Some people get hurt, have illness and die. We have harsh realities in life that no matter how hard we try to protect and avoid for our children they are going to learn eventually..
I know people who home school their kids to "avoid" the realities of life in public schools. I know people who feed their children only home grown organic foods and no sugar..I know people who refuse to speak of ethnic and cultural differences in their home for fear of being "pegged" racist..I know parents who feel sexual expression is wrong and that "god" commands it happens only after marriage..
I don't know about you..but the thought of a generation of protected children puts fear in my soul. Naive is sweet..but when it comes to a nation in stress, financially, and facing challenges from third world countries where children are taught Americans are evil and how to kill at tender ages..I feel a tremor of fear that is difficult to shake..
I believe in parent choices..but as a parent I also feel it is my responsibility to fully educate my child..to give them both sides of the equation and then my opinion and why I feel that way..I would love for the world to be peaceful and loving..but in my 40 years of life, and reading chapter after chapter of history I have yet to see human beings ever being able to capture this for all..We are after all humans..
The first lesson I would teach...that life is not fair..get over it..In my 10 years of leadership it is the reality of many employees that fairness is something they demand..but as defined by their rights..If it is "good for them" then it is fair...human nature to define it that way isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I strive for fair and equal treatment of employees..but as a leader, we have the right to discretion to weigh and balance that fairness. In situations of peer to peer confrontation it is not always possible to get the win/win..sometimes there is the perception of "unfair".
I often wonder where is it written that life is supposed to be fair? I ask that question of every person who shows up in my office demanding fairness be part of the equation..I ask it nicely..and I ask them where did you learn that fairness is part of life? out of curiosity..
In my own life of experiences, I learned very early life was not fair..If it were, I would have been born with two functional eyes, would not have spent my childhood in glasses, with a patched eye, unable to catch a ball..I would not have had allergies or asthma..I would have been thin, blond, smart and beautiful.. In retrospect if my mom had home schooled, I would never have learned coping mechanisms for taunting..i would have not learned to use humor and verbal skills to the level I have in my life..I would not have been taught that libraries are full of the world at my fingertips; and that escaping my small town existence could be done in an hour of reading..
Life lessons have merit..we need to recognize them for what they are to children...protect them, but teach them...allow them to learn from experience and discussion at a young age..not at 20 when they naively see the real world for the first time..
This grandma is going to make sure her grandchildren learn realities of life, along with the nirvana we wish it to be...but also..that life is what you make of it..use the skills you have to overcome the skills and gifts you have not been given..
Perhaps I shall write a book...
But I digress..the books and subject matter were happy, politically correct, "feel good" "play fair" make it even kind of stories..take care of each other, take care of the environment, play nice, don't hit, don't fight, and make life "fair" kind of stories..Great lessons for kids..I get that...however..when do we teach them the real stuff? I too would love to live in nirvana 24/7. The reality is that someone is always going to be smarter, prettier, faster, and have more money then I. Someone sometime is going to be mean, cruel, hurtful or injure you. Some people get hurt, have illness and die. We have harsh realities in life that no matter how hard we try to protect and avoid for our children they are going to learn eventually..
I know people who home school their kids to "avoid" the realities of life in public schools. I know people who feed their children only home grown organic foods and no sugar..I know people who refuse to speak of ethnic and cultural differences in their home for fear of being "pegged" racist..I know parents who feel sexual expression is wrong and that "god" commands it happens only after marriage..
I don't know about you..but the thought of a generation of protected children puts fear in my soul. Naive is sweet..but when it comes to a nation in stress, financially, and facing challenges from third world countries where children are taught Americans are evil and how to kill at tender ages..I feel a tremor of fear that is difficult to shake..
I believe in parent choices..but as a parent I also feel it is my responsibility to fully educate my child..to give them both sides of the equation and then my opinion and why I feel that way..I would love for the world to be peaceful and loving..but in my 40 years of life, and reading chapter after chapter of history I have yet to see human beings ever being able to capture this for all..We are after all humans..
The first lesson I would teach...that life is not fair..get over it..In my 10 years of leadership it is the reality of many employees that fairness is something they demand..but as defined by their rights..If it is "good for them" then it is fair...human nature to define it that way isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I strive for fair and equal treatment of employees..but as a leader, we have the right to discretion to weigh and balance that fairness. In situations of peer to peer confrontation it is not always possible to get the win/win..sometimes there is the perception of "unfair".
I often wonder where is it written that life is supposed to be fair? I ask that question of every person who shows up in my office demanding fairness be part of the equation..I ask it nicely..and I ask them where did you learn that fairness is part of life? out of curiosity..
In my own life of experiences, I learned very early life was not fair..If it were, I would have been born with two functional eyes, would not have spent my childhood in glasses, with a patched eye, unable to catch a ball..I would not have had allergies or asthma..I would have been thin, blond, smart and beautiful.. In retrospect if my mom had home schooled, I would never have learned coping mechanisms for taunting..i would have not learned to use humor and verbal skills to the level I have in my life..I would not have been taught that libraries are full of the world at my fingertips; and that escaping my small town existence could be done in an hour of reading..
Life lessons have merit..we need to recognize them for what they are to children...protect them, but teach them...allow them to learn from experience and discussion at a young age..not at 20 when they naively see the real world for the first time..
This grandma is going to make sure her grandchildren learn realities of life, along with the nirvana we wish it to be...but also..that life is what you make of it..use the skills you have to overcome the skills and gifts you have not been given..
Perhaps I shall write a book...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
A New View...
"It seems to me...that external circumstances often serve as occasions for a new attitude to life and the world, long prepared in the unconscious, to become manifest." Carl G. Jung..
So the circumstances of my my life are once again being altered. 7 days after our wedding, my husband came home from a weekend training with the Army National Guard and announced that he will be "sourced" in the next 15-21 months.. As a newbie to the Army thing, he had to explain to me that it meant he would be deployed, as in over seas to an undisclosed location for a period of 12 months. Not exactly the honeymoon we had envisioned..Not exactly the circumstances I had in mind to start my new married life with...
I have had about a month to get my head and heart around this bit of information. A constant flow of thoughts come and go in to my mind, so much so that I have started a mental list of things that I need to be ready to deal with.. I have spent time thinking about the practical; bills getting paid, home repairs that will have to be done, dealing with decision making power for the stepson; thinking about his children being without their dad for a year, the grandson missing his grandfather for a whole year.
The bulk of my thinking is very self centered.. Will he be safe? Worst case scenarios seem to come into my head and at times take my breath away. What if something happens here, who will help me deal with it? I don't want to be alone for a year..the thought of being all alone; far from my family supports, working full time, dealing with a senior year and the needs of his children and my own son, but who will be here for me? I am somewhat angry about the circumstances, but I knew this going into the relationship that it was a possibility, I just thought we would continue to beat the odds..
I also think about him..He has trained for this, and dedicated years of his life to service to his country..This is the culmination of that training, and honestly it is something he wants to do. I understand that part of his psyche completely. I think about him there, alone, in constant crisis situation mode for 12 months..How will this change him? What will it do to him and how will that affect the "us" we have just started to create? I have jokingly told him that our "seven year itch" will be postponed as we will probably go through a second or extended honeymoon phase when he comes home..yet part of me gets that the horror of war could change his "attitude" and persona to something I don't know..It is the unknown and total lack of control that has me feeling so very overwhelmed by it all..
I liken this experience to what families feel when the reality of a serious illness, or injury comes into a life and alters the circumstances of their lives. I share this as I think about the families who I encounter, dazed, overwhelmed, not knowing how the change in their life could happen, and dealing with the unknown of it all comes crashing down around them as they deal with the choice of placing a loved one in a permanent long term care setting, or they deal with the choices of care giving..In a moments notice the path,the course the expected becomes null and void; replaced by so many questions, unknowns and what ifs...
As a caregiver leader, I can give lip service to the feeling, I can talk about the knowns from my side of the desk..But until one is faced with a set of life altering circumstances; we cannot begin to understand the emotion, the loss of control,the thoughts and anxiety that comes with it..
So the circumstances presented to us have left me with a new attitude and appreciation for so many things..Simple time spent as a family, recognizing the daily gifts I have been given, how great my life has been blessed, and that happiness is a self dependent emotion that I chose to put in my life everyday..
I shall keep you posted on the circumstances of my life as they progress..for right now the attitude is about getting through the day with a smile, focus and a renewed recognition of what families feel when they deal with me as a caregiver...I get it...
So the circumstances of my my life are once again being altered. 7 days after our wedding, my husband came home from a weekend training with the Army National Guard and announced that he will be "sourced" in the next 15-21 months.. As a newbie to the Army thing, he had to explain to me that it meant he would be deployed, as in over seas to an undisclosed location for a period of 12 months. Not exactly the honeymoon we had envisioned..Not exactly the circumstances I had in mind to start my new married life with...
I have had about a month to get my head and heart around this bit of information. A constant flow of thoughts come and go in to my mind, so much so that I have started a mental list of things that I need to be ready to deal with.. I have spent time thinking about the practical; bills getting paid, home repairs that will have to be done, dealing with decision making power for the stepson; thinking about his children being without their dad for a year, the grandson missing his grandfather for a whole year.
The bulk of my thinking is very self centered.. Will he be safe? Worst case scenarios seem to come into my head and at times take my breath away. What if something happens here, who will help me deal with it? I don't want to be alone for a year..the thought of being all alone; far from my family supports, working full time, dealing with a senior year and the needs of his children and my own son, but who will be here for me? I am somewhat angry about the circumstances, but I knew this going into the relationship that it was a possibility, I just thought we would continue to beat the odds..
I also think about him..He has trained for this, and dedicated years of his life to service to his country..This is the culmination of that training, and honestly it is something he wants to do. I understand that part of his psyche completely. I think about him there, alone, in constant crisis situation mode for 12 months..How will this change him? What will it do to him and how will that affect the "us" we have just started to create? I have jokingly told him that our "seven year itch" will be postponed as we will probably go through a second or extended honeymoon phase when he comes home..yet part of me gets that the horror of war could change his "attitude" and persona to something I don't know..It is the unknown and total lack of control that has me feeling so very overwhelmed by it all..
I liken this experience to what families feel when the reality of a serious illness, or injury comes into a life and alters the circumstances of their lives. I share this as I think about the families who I encounter, dazed, overwhelmed, not knowing how the change in their life could happen, and dealing with the unknown of it all comes crashing down around them as they deal with the choice of placing a loved one in a permanent long term care setting, or they deal with the choices of care giving..In a moments notice the path,the course the expected becomes null and void; replaced by so many questions, unknowns and what ifs...
As a caregiver leader, I can give lip service to the feeling, I can talk about the knowns from my side of the desk..But until one is faced with a set of life altering circumstances; we cannot begin to understand the emotion, the loss of control,the thoughts and anxiety that comes with it..
So the circumstances presented to us have left me with a new attitude and appreciation for so many things..Simple time spent as a family, recognizing the daily gifts I have been given, how great my life has been blessed, and that happiness is a self dependent emotion that I chose to put in my life everyday..
I shall keep you posted on the circumstances of my life as they progress..for right now the attitude is about getting through the day with a smile, focus and a renewed recognition of what families feel when they deal with me as a caregiver...I get it...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The back seat of the cab..
I love traveling..If you open yourself to new people and experiences, life is fulfilling and you can learn so much...
This trip was not very different. Jeff learned about what a coonass is; I learned that networking pays off; we both learned about how above ground tombs work in the south and that categorizing people based on race, class, and culture is not an effective tool to determine political opinions..
It was about 87 degrees, sunny and humid as only new orleans can be in early September..We flagged down a cab to take us back to the airport..Not to stereotype, but the typical southern cabbie pulled up..A larger,black man driver..(I use the term black, because it was his preferred self definition of who he was to us..).
He asked us where we were from; we told him Michigan..For the next 20 minutes he held us captivated, (or captive if you were not of our political leanings) as he shared with us of his opinion of Detroit and Michigan..He shared a story about how he and a buddy both raced motorcycles for a well known company; and that during Katrina, they ended up on their racing bikes headed north to avoid the storm..They had nothing other then their bikes, and the clothes on their backs..
You need to picture this story being told by this man with not only a southern accent but some coon ass thrown in with a little hispanic slant..(this language combination thing is fairly indigenous to new orleans).
He referred to Jeff as boss; and the picture he portrayed is one of being very frightened by the bums, scalywaygs and "jerry springers" he met in Detroit. He said you could see in the eyes of those he met; that they had nothing good in their life and that despite his problems of being homeless, jobless and not knowing what he would find upon his return; that these people had it worse then he..
He said he knew the problem with Detroit. We had bad government, he could tell by the condition of the city and the people he met.(Ironically, he pegged the Kwamie situation without even knowing it..)
The next 15 minutes were spent listening to his version of why we should vote for McCain; and that what Obama was presenting was nothing short of socialism..and that Obama's plan would do only one thing; hurt the working man who paid taxes.
Trust me when I say; this man, in his less then eloquent, less then intellectual mastery of the language captured the complete notion of free enterprise and why taxes/big government hurt the working class like himself..
He then told us that he was sharing his opinion with anyone who would listen to him; his coworkers and buddies..those he raced and drank with the Carlos and Abdul's who viewed that white men are evil..His comment to that? White rich men own corporations and they all work for those corporations; and if they get taxed, they are gonna bend over and take hard...in his terms.." I told them they had better go to walmart and buy some ky jelly, cause they are gonna need it if Obama gets to be President."
I sat in the back seat just absorbing and thinking..How many individuals out there have similar thoughts? The level of his understanding of economics and political outcomes on the working class was beyond that of most college educated self reported politically correct/righteous individuals. This man understood and accepted not only who he was; but what the realities of life are..where he was socioeconomically and what his life was about..
The political musings of a self professed black man who referred to my white husband as boss; and spoke of the political dismantling of good cities because of overtaxation and crime....funny...not what I expected to learn while riding in the back seat of a cab out of New Orleans...
This trip was not very different. Jeff learned about what a coonass is; I learned that networking pays off; we both learned about how above ground tombs work in the south and that categorizing people based on race, class, and culture is not an effective tool to determine political opinions..
It was about 87 degrees, sunny and humid as only new orleans can be in early September..We flagged down a cab to take us back to the airport..Not to stereotype, but the typical southern cabbie pulled up..A larger,black man driver..(I use the term black, because it was his preferred self definition of who he was to us..).
He asked us where we were from; we told him Michigan..For the next 20 minutes he held us captivated, (or captive if you were not of our political leanings) as he shared with us of his opinion of Detroit and Michigan..He shared a story about how he and a buddy both raced motorcycles for a well known company; and that during Katrina, they ended up on their racing bikes headed north to avoid the storm..They had nothing other then their bikes, and the clothes on their backs..
You need to picture this story being told by this man with not only a southern accent but some coon ass thrown in with a little hispanic slant..(this language combination thing is fairly indigenous to new orleans).
He referred to Jeff as boss; and the picture he portrayed is one of being very frightened by the bums, scalywaygs and "jerry springers" he met in Detroit. He said you could see in the eyes of those he met; that they had nothing good in their life and that despite his problems of being homeless, jobless and not knowing what he would find upon his return; that these people had it worse then he..
He said he knew the problem with Detroit. We had bad government, he could tell by the condition of the city and the people he met.(Ironically, he pegged the Kwamie situation without even knowing it..)
The next 15 minutes were spent listening to his version of why we should vote for McCain; and that what Obama was presenting was nothing short of socialism..and that Obama's plan would do only one thing; hurt the working man who paid taxes.
Trust me when I say; this man, in his less then eloquent, less then intellectual mastery of the language captured the complete notion of free enterprise and why taxes/big government hurt the working class like himself..
He then told us that he was sharing his opinion with anyone who would listen to him; his coworkers and buddies..those he raced and drank with the Carlos and Abdul's who viewed that white men are evil..His comment to that? White rich men own corporations and they all work for those corporations; and if they get taxed, they are gonna bend over and take hard...in his terms.." I told them they had better go to walmart and buy some ky jelly, cause they are gonna need it if Obama gets to be President."
I sat in the back seat just absorbing and thinking..How many individuals out there have similar thoughts? The level of his understanding of economics and political outcomes on the working class was beyond that of most college educated self reported politically correct/righteous individuals. This man understood and accepted not only who he was; but what the realities of life are..where he was socioeconomically and what his life was about..
The political musings of a self professed black man who referred to my white husband as boss; and spoke of the political dismantling of good cities because of overtaxation and crime....funny...not what I expected to learn while riding in the back seat of a cab out of New Orleans...
Reflections of Culture...
Wow...again..apologies for the time between posts..Funny how my life has taken me from having empty downtime to write and contemplate to the busy/happy life I am currently enjoying..
Today finds Jeff and I sitting in the Atlanta airport awaiting our flight home..We are returning from a fun crazy filled four days spent honeymooning in the Big Easy..Amazing, but not surprisingly we travel well and very similarily..both kind of ready to get home and gear up for the busy work week..
For the curious; he and I enjoyed way too much decadence..food, drink, music...again a huge thank you to the locals we met while in NOLA, your culture and city continues to surprise and intrigue me. We ate at three different locally known venues; one located deep in the poverty laden neighborhoods that we viewed during the Katrina footage; one in the eclectic, intellectual, artsy inspired neighborhoods around the garden district, and one in the upper french quarter that is world reknown for it's decadent and great food...None failed us-each surprised and delighted us with a culture only found in this great city...Despite the drastic differences of each venue; the service, and experience left us wanting to take it home with us...
As a side line..we spent very little time on bourbon st. If you think that is the appeal you are sadly mistaken..The true culture of New Orleans can be found outside of the street it is most famous for..The best food, the best music and the best drinks can be found in the districts, and parishes that surround the entire city. It is a culture of uniqueness that cannot be matched by any other urban U.S. city.
I reflect on the cultural uniqueness as something that inspires my work in long term care..It is my vision of what we should be developing as we evolve into the world of caring for the next generations..As a leader of care; I need to be the director and motivator of not only culture change but also culture recognition. As I sat down to brunch today at a white clothed table, eating an incredible 3 course brunch; the thought occurred to me that some of my elders would enjoy such a meal; and others; would have found comfort sitting at the rickety kitchen table, eating green beans and fried chicken served on 30 year old kitchen ware. It is such differences that make our job challenging to meet the coming generational needs..
I shared with Jeff my thoughts; and we concurred that the successful facilities of the future would be like small cities..with very different neighborhoods; each meeting the needs of those who live there short term; or permanently...the ideal...ah yes..something to think about and work toward..
Today finds Jeff and I sitting in the Atlanta airport awaiting our flight home..We are returning from a fun crazy filled four days spent honeymooning in the Big Easy..Amazing, but not surprisingly we travel well and very similarily..both kind of ready to get home and gear up for the busy work week..
For the curious; he and I enjoyed way too much decadence..food, drink, music...again a huge thank you to the locals we met while in NOLA, your culture and city continues to surprise and intrigue me. We ate at three different locally known venues; one located deep in the poverty laden neighborhoods that we viewed during the Katrina footage; one in the eclectic, intellectual, artsy inspired neighborhoods around the garden district, and one in the upper french quarter that is world reknown for it's decadent and great food...None failed us-each surprised and delighted us with a culture only found in this great city...Despite the drastic differences of each venue; the service, and experience left us wanting to take it home with us...
As a side line..we spent very little time on bourbon st. If you think that is the appeal you are sadly mistaken..The true culture of New Orleans can be found outside of the street it is most famous for..The best food, the best music and the best drinks can be found in the districts, and parishes that surround the entire city. It is a culture of uniqueness that cannot be matched by any other urban U.S. city.
I reflect on the cultural uniqueness as something that inspires my work in long term care..It is my vision of what we should be developing as we evolve into the world of caring for the next generations..As a leader of care; I need to be the director and motivator of not only culture change but also culture recognition. As I sat down to brunch today at a white clothed table, eating an incredible 3 course brunch; the thought occurred to me that some of my elders would enjoy such a meal; and others; would have found comfort sitting at the rickety kitchen table, eating green beans and fried chicken served on 30 year old kitchen ware. It is such differences that make our job challenging to meet the coming generational needs..
I shared with Jeff my thoughts; and we concurred that the successful facilities of the future would be like small cities..with very different neighborhoods; each meeting the needs of those who live there short term; or permanently...the ideal...ah yes..something to think about and work toward..
Monday, July 7, 2008
Putting my money where my mouth is..
As an advocate for personal responsibility; I have finally put my money where my mouth; or in the blog world, where my thoughts have guided my fingers to type...I purchased a long term care policy for myself and significant other this week.
As a cynic of the state of American health care; I do not for one moment believe that our government, society or culture will be able to sustain care at the current level on the tax dollar as the supporter of such services. Quite frankly with over 25 years left until I can actually "collect" my portion of the social security pie; I am going to be left pretty hungry for a few years..
Taking that perspective; I decided it was time to be responsible, something more of us need to decide to do. I have traded up the two pair of designer shoes per month habit; for a sensible long term care package that will provide me and my signifcant other with care for up to 8 years. I guess turning 40 shed new light for me on thinking beyond how great my toes look in the red spike anne kleins...oh my the signs of aging...
As a cynic of the state of American health care; I do not for one moment believe that our government, society or culture will be able to sustain care at the current level on the tax dollar as the supporter of such services. Quite frankly with over 25 years left until I can actually "collect" my portion of the social security pie; I am going to be left pretty hungry for a few years..
Taking that perspective; I decided it was time to be responsible, something more of us need to decide to do. I have traded up the two pair of designer shoes per month habit; for a sensible long term care package that will provide me and my signifcant other with care for up to 8 years. I guess turning 40 shed new light for me on thinking beyond how great my toes look in the red spike anne kleins...oh my the signs of aging...
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Grandma's Dirty Little Secret
Mabel and Joe were observed holding hands as they walked down the hall..The staff commented on how cute they looked together and thought nothing of seeing the two of them benignly holding hands and smiling..Later that night, the C.N.A. calls the nurse to Mabel's room...Mabel and Joe are sound asleep in the nude, snuggled under Mabels blankets...both elders suffer from mild dementia; and Mabel is not Joe's wife..his wife Mary is at home...Is this a crime, an incident that bears reporting to regulatory agencies, or a lawsuit waiting to be filed? or is it simply part of our human/animal existance that has us seek out the comfort of pleasure in it's most raw form when we are stressed, confused and alone?
Ah yes..the dirty laundry of dementia and adults; yes folks we still want,seek and need the comfort of sexual release when we are old, gray, and even at the end stage of our dementia and aging processes..Social acceptable? good heavens no, at least for the current generation of elders being cared for in any setting outside of home. Will the next generation finally break the code of puritan values and norms that are currently in place that restrict and make normal human desire and comfort a social deviant behavior? I hope so..
This topic was brought to light this week on MSN. For the first time someone outside of our industry has brought to light the skewed value system in place for elders who desire sexual intimacy and comfort. The article; a reprint/connection from Slate.com focuses on a situation of two real elders who resided in an assisted living facility. Both suffered from mild dementia; both sought each other out for sexual release and intimacy. Their families; who due to power of attorney and legal authority; requested that the facility separate the two and keep them from "having relations". The result? depression and weight loss for the female, and rapid decline and sudden death for the male partner.
As squirmy as this topic may make you; it is the harsh reality of aging..Are we, or will you be willing to give up control of the intense pleasure associated with sexual release when you are an elder? Do you want your patient advocate, or power of attorney to determine with who; how often or where you are allowed to express yourself sexually?
I wonder why as a society we freely accept sexual expression in our music, art, advertising and filtered in our daily lives; yet, when we get down to the base act we apply a rigid value system of what is acceptable and not...elder sex is a taboo subject and one that most of find very uncomfortable to think about; or discuss..In fact, when we do talk about being "old" and having sex; we bring up things about body image issues; functionality; and whether or not we will need pharmacological support to make it happen..It is the epitomy of joke fodder for most comedians..
Yet when faced with the reality of it happening to Grandma; we become highly agitated and desire to control Grandma's frisky behavior with outrage and disdain that it "was allowed" to occur...
Reality check...Grandma probably had sex figured out at some point in her life; or you wouldn't be here to shout outrage....and Grandma has stored that wonderful pleasure feeling in her basic animal instinct portion of her brain; and she knows what she likes and how to make it happen over and over...it is not rocket science; it is pure pleasure and comfort..two things all humans need to survive. Do you want to face aging alone, demented, and devoid of the most basic form of pleasure and release?
Ah yes..the dirty laundry of dementia and adults; yes folks we still want,seek and need the comfort of sexual release when we are old, gray, and even at the end stage of our dementia and aging processes..Social acceptable? good heavens no, at least for the current generation of elders being cared for in any setting outside of home. Will the next generation finally break the code of puritan values and norms that are currently in place that restrict and make normal human desire and comfort a social deviant behavior? I hope so..
This topic was brought to light this week on MSN. For the first time someone outside of our industry has brought to light the skewed value system in place for elders who desire sexual intimacy and comfort. The article; a reprint/connection from Slate.com focuses on a situation of two real elders who resided in an assisted living facility. Both suffered from mild dementia; both sought each other out for sexual release and intimacy. Their families; who due to power of attorney and legal authority; requested that the facility separate the two and keep them from "having relations". The result? depression and weight loss for the female, and rapid decline and sudden death for the male partner.
As squirmy as this topic may make you; it is the harsh reality of aging..Are we, or will you be willing to give up control of the intense pleasure associated with sexual release when you are an elder? Do you want your patient advocate, or power of attorney to determine with who; how often or where you are allowed to express yourself sexually?
I wonder why as a society we freely accept sexual expression in our music, art, advertising and filtered in our daily lives; yet, when we get down to the base act we apply a rigid value system of what is acceptable and not...elder sex is a taboo subject and one that most of find very uncomfortable to think about; or discuss..In fact, when we do talk about being "old" and having sex; we bring up things about body image issues; functionality; and whether or not we will need pharmacological support to make it happen..It is the epitomy of joke fodder for most comedians..
Yet when faced with the reality of it happening to Grandma; we become highly agitated and desire to control Grandma's frisky behavior with outrage and disdain that it "was allowed" to occur...
Reality check...Grandma probably had sex figured out at some point in her life; or you wouldn't be here to shout outrage....and Grandma has stored that wonderful pleasure feeling in her basic animal instinct portion of her brain; and she knows what she likes and how to make it happen over and over...it is not rocket science; it is pure pleasure and comfort..two things all humans need to survive. Do you want to face aging alone, demented, and devoid of the most basic form of pleasure and release?
Friday, June 6, 2008
Show Me the Money...
Interesting..Sitting and reflecting in Reagan National airport after a two day lobbying junket...I love the democratic process. It was a great opportunity to actually feel the process at work. A special thanks to my state rep Mike Rogers and his staff for hosting our visit. We actually got to "meet" on the house floor after a vote was finishing. First hand experiencing the democratic process was outstanding and uplifting..
As a non-baby boomer; I have watched the coming storm with such trepidation and anxiety..How are "we" the future generations going to pay for our health care? How are "we" going to survive financially? It has become the hot topic for domestic policy and the upcoming elected President's first agenda issue.
As an observation; it is interesting to note that the previous generations attitude regarding aging and entitlement, ie: "I have worked hard all my life" the government should take care of me now", has come full circle. My generation, cynical realist that we are; have started a new mantra..."personal responsibility" is our adage..we will seek/push/fight for government programs that are incentive based/tax lowering in structure that reward our financial frugalness and saving of our own money for our elder care and services.. In fact I predict that my generation will not only change the IRS code, we will fix it to be fair and equitable via a flat tax that is bipartisan supported.
I predict that we also will figure out how to fix the hemorrhage known as our national debt and deficit..Or we will learn Japanese...(little known fact, we owe them significant payment on loans that we yes we the U.S. citizentry via our government; has borrowed). How will we fix this financial problem? Taxes...and decreased domestic spending.. We will fix the tax code to be fair and equitable; capture the internet commerce, home based cash businesses, and large corporate over seas avoidance tactics...
In exchange for higher taxes, we will demand better infrastructure, and a clear tax code that rewards us for saving for our future health care, and the education of our children..
My theory is that not only will my generation change this, we will understand and educate the government to recognize that those of us in the "middle class" that bracket of families earning 75,000 to 250,000 per year; will no longer stand for being the highest taxed/under rewarded group of individuals in this country..We will demand and demand loudly a fair and equitable system for all..We want to help those in need; we want to eliminate poverty and the literacy issues..but not at the expense of getting our children educated or taking care of our needs when we age...
If we are to survive not only as a country and world power, but as a culture and generation; we must speak loudly about the "show me the money" attitude of the government...I am willing to show them the money, when they show me a realistic and practical plan that the majority of Americans agree upon..
As a non-baby boomer; I have watched the coming storm with such trepidation and anxiety..How are "we" the future generations going to pay for our health care? How are "we" going to survive financially? It has become the hot topic for domestic policy and the upcoming elected President's first agenda issue.
As an observation; it is interesting to note that the previous generations attitude regarding aging and entitlement, ie: "I have worked hard all my life" the government should take care of me now", has come full circle. My generation, cynical realist that we are; have started a new mantra..."personal responsibility" is our adage..we will seek/push/fight for government programs that are incentive based/tax lowering in structure that reward our financial frugalness and saving of our own money for our elder care and services.. In fact I predict that my generation will not only change the IRS code, we will fix it to be fair and equitable via a flat tax that is bipartisan supported.
I predict that we also will figure out how to fix the hemorrhage known as our national debt and deficit..Or we will learn Japanese...(little known fact, we owe them significant payment on loans that we yes we the U.S. citizentry via our government; has borrowed). How will we fix this financial problem? Taxes...and decreased domestic spending.. We will fix the tax code to be fair and equitable; capture the internet commerce, home based cash businesses, and large corporate over seas avoidance tactics...
In exchange for higher taxes, we will demand better infrastructure, and a clear tax code that rewards us for saving for our future health care, and the education of our children..
My theory is that not only will my generation change this, we will understand and educate the government to recognize that those of us in the "middle class" that bracket of families earning 75,000 to 250,000 per year; will no longer stand for being the highest taxed/under rewarded group of individuals in this country..We will demand and demand loudly a fair and equitable system for all..We want to help those in need; we want to eliminate poverty and the literacy issues..but not at the expense of getting our children educated or taking care of our needs when we age...
If we are to survive not only as a country and world power, but as a culture and generation; we must speak loudly about the "show me the money" attitude of the government...I am willing to show them the money, when they show me a realistic and practical plan that the majority of Americans agree upon..
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Finding Sanity in the Chaos..
So..wonder where I have been? I have too...It has been a personal journey of chaos..The words written here tonight are of a very personal nature; not at all the typical musings I write about professional angst and change...but for those scratching their head, wondering, or saying "I don't understand", or simply "why"? perhaps this will enlighten you..thank god I have had preceptors of a strong nature to guide me..Tackling personal growth and change is something advisable and recommended..but I don't think we can every predict or anticipate the end result of that journey...
In our intellect we think we know and can predict the outcomes of our personal growth plan with a sane rational perspective.. but even the best sense of intellect cannot predict the emotional result of growth..Until we have gone through the growth, the pain, the agony, we never truly know the cost and change personal growth will bring into not only our lives; but the lives whom we touch...Planning for the end result with precision execution; will still net results unknown..We are after all humans...
So my journey into personal growth...some of you have watched and wondered..some have cheered, others have watched in trepidation...Let me assure you that while the pain is still fresh in some areas; and I am feeling very vulnerable about many things; the end result has been beyond measure...my life has clarity..I know what I want...I know what I need...and I am now capable of working on both, knowing that life is worth living and I have purpose...
Curious about how this happened?
About 4 years ago I was given two opportunities..One to become a member of a group of women on a personal growth/learning journey..(I call in group awakening, or personal development and learning in a shared female spirit based journey). The other was a job taken at a facility far from the comfort of my small town roots; away from my friends and supportive cocoon of people who I loved and trusted..
About 6 months into the group development I had a moment of clarity...It happened over a sinkful of dirty dishes...I was learning about who I was as a female leader..what motivated me; what drove me to do the things I did..Who I was as a person to my staff and peers...not all good, but an open honest learning/critical analysis of what kind of leader/peer I was...and what in my personal life/development had gotten me to that point in my personality and life..As I stood and washed those dishes, I realized that while my professional side was developing, my personal life was not fulfilling and supportive of the professional side..would it ever fill the tool box necessary to keep up the pace of what I saw as my future and who I really wanted to become in the next 25 years of my life?
Panic attack aside, the reality of what my life looked like thru the new lens I had placed on it scared the hell out of me...I was a then 36 year old female with a great career ahead of her; but at home my life was a very different scenario..I was married; dealing with the empty nest at an age when my peers were becoming parents; a husband whose career was a rigid patterned choice; and not alterable from my view..and the marital relationship lacked any sense of good communication or support for either of us..we both lacked the tools or experience necessary to be a team.. Knowing the wall I was up against at home I had to make choices..should I stay and try to make my career needs work with the marital needs? If so how would that work and look? Could I stop my passive/aggressive form of communication in the marriage and if so how?
Looking back, I realize that my strength of character was only strong enough to work on the professional side of growth..The personal relationship side had eroded into a scenario that I felt was hopeless and given the fact that I felt very alone and not supported in the need to find growth for the relationship, I avoided doing the work alone.. Believe me when I say, I did place several well positioned warning shots across the bow of the marital boat to say "hey, we need to work on this", "it is not good"...the warning shots went unheard and ignored...
Fast forward to the climax of the story...(always the best part..) About two years into my growth journey I was given the opportunity to return to my previous job setting..back to my friends and community! The building was in a storming of transition..people who were key players were jumping ship, chaos, negativity and blame were being placed..people were crazily unhappy..my team was falling apart..and I too was falling apart at home...Professionally I was growing, I had started to gain some self confidence, my insight into the behavior of others was developing and I was starting to get the rhythm..but my people needed me; and I needed to be close to home..I felt the need to give it one more go by...Looking forward I felt the need to do right by this group of people..getting them to channel energy forward facing would put them in a position no other facility could touch..they got it..they made the job easy, they just needed a kick in the butt, and some tlc...I got a do over...this time with open communication and learning for me, and for them...
I loved the year I spent there...it was a transition and opportunity to learn/guide and give like no other..Opening communication to them and taking it from them taught me so much..but it also gave me the insight and clarity to realize that while I loved the opportunity; that this journey would be a short one.
My personal life was disintegrating..I take blame for my half..no more, no less..My personal growth, and self awareness had opened me to realize that my marital relationship would not grow beyond where it was stuck...despite any effort of work, the issues were beyond repair, and my personal goals no longer fit into the mold of the rigid vision my spouse had of his life...So, I told him...pivotal point in any story..the telling...the hurt, the anger... Just post the "I want out" conversation, an opportunity arises..I can move jobs..change...try out the wings on a new challenge...So I leave...thinking perhaps we can try to make it work...Spent one week working away from home, living in a suitcase...The reality of my emotion and making peace with what I felt hit me..I needed to move my life beyond my past..What had been given to me was an opportunity of completeness..Those who know me know that completing a project from start to finish is a struggle..I revel in the change, the idea and the thoughts..but the finishing sucks the life out of me at times...I sat in my hotel room; recognizing that completing the end...getting the relationship to the ending point was in my hands, and I had to finish this task...So, I did...hence where my head and heart have been for the past 6 months..
It has been a struggle...it has hurt. I have lost friends and family. The negative, hateful words we both spewed...oh so not good...trying to maintain a professional level of work, while dealing with the personal angst in my life...has pushed my sanity envelope at times...shredded any sense of self right to the very core of my being...I have put 10 years of living into 6 months..trying to figure out who I was and what I really needed personally to support the professional need..
But I now know what I am about..who I am...I am me...professionally, I know my strengths and weaknesses. I can now recognize what I have to offer...what I have to give, and what I can expect from those whom I serve and work with..I get the tasks...I get the vision...and to achieve and complete both, I have come to recognize who and what I need from my personal life to fill that tool basket. It has occurred to me that to be truly successful as a leader, it is not as simple as having the skills alone; it is the support and nurturing of those you surround yourself with that make you feel complete and right in your role as leader.. Simply put it is having that person or persons in your corner who get what you need on a personal level to make the professional side that much better..
It is the banter and communication of far fetched ideas and outlandish venting without judgment or sarcasm...It is the simplicity of having a true ear that listens, absorbs and supports...It is the shoulder rub and dinner served on a crazy, horrific day...It is the giving back when spontaneous support comes your way unexpectedly..It is appreciating the gifts of self others give you..It is recognizing that simple gestures and kind words repair and heal better then any purchased superficiality..
So my journey has taken me thus far..I am on the healing side of change..both personally and professionally. I am seeking sanity amidst the chaos of the change I instituted..knowing that the future holds a very different picture..but one where I have the ability to fill my tool basket with the emotional support and nurturing necessary to lead and create change..
In our intellect we think we know and can predict the outcomes of our personal growth plan with a sane rational perspective.. but even the best sense of intellect cannot predict the emotional result of growth..Until we have gone through the growth, the pain, the agony, we never truly know the cost and change personal growth will bring into not only our lives; but the lives whom we touch...Planning for the end result with precision execution; will still net results unknown..We are after all humans...
So my journey into personal growth...some of you have watched and wondered..some have cheered, others have watched in trepidation...Let me assure you that while the pain is still fresh in some areas; and I am feeling very vulnerable about many things; the end result has been beyond measure...my life has clarity..I know what I want...I know what I need...and I am now capable of working on both, knowing that life is worth living and I have purpose...
Curious about how this happened?
About 4 years ago I was given two opportunities..One to become a member of a group of women on a personal growth/learning journey..(I call in group awakening, or personal development and learning in a shared female spirit based journey). The other was a job taken at a facility far from the comfort of my small town roots; away from my friends and supportive cocoon of people who I loved and trusted..
About 6 months into the group development I had a moment of clarity...It happened over a sinkful of dirty dishes...I was learning about who I was as a female leader..what motivated me; what drove me to do the things I did..Who I was as a person to my staff and peers...not all good, but an open honest learning/critical analysis of what kind of leader/peer I was...and what in my personal life/development had gotten me to that point in my personality and life..As I stood and washed those dishes, I realized that while my professional side was developing, my personal life was not fulfilling and supportive of the professional side..would it ever fill the tool box necessary to keep up the pace of what I saw as my future and who I really wanted to become in the next 25 years of my life?
Panic attack aside, the reality of what my life looked like thru the new lens I had placed on it scared the hell out of me...I was a then 36 year old female with a great career ahead of her; but at home my life was a very different scenario..I was married; dealing with the empty nest at an age when my peers were becoming parents; a husband whose career was a rigid patterned choice; and not alterable from my view..and the marital relationship lacked any sense of good communication or support for either of us..we both lacked the tools or experience necessary to be a team.. Knowing the wall I was up against at home I had to make choices..should I stay and try to make my career needs work with the marital needs? If so how would that work and look? Could I stop my passive/aggressive form of communication in the marriage and if so how?
Looking back, I realize that my strength of character was only strong enough to work on the professional side of growth..The personal relationship side had eroded into a scenario that I felt was hopeless and given the fact that I felt very alone and not supported in the need to find growth for the relationship, I avoided doing the work alone.. Believe me when I say, I did place several well positioned warning shots across the bow of the marital boat to say "hey, we need to work on this", "it is not good"...the warning shots went unheard and ignored...
Fast forward to the climax of the story...(always the best part..) About two years into my growth journey I was given the opportunity to return to my previous job setting..back to my friends and community! The building was in a storming of transition..people who were key players were jumping ship, chaos, negativity and blame were being placed..people were crazily unhappy..my team was falling apart..and I too was falling apart at home...Professionally I was growing, I had started to gain some self confidence, my insight into the behavior of others was developing and I was starting to get the rhythm..but my people needed me; and I needed to be close to home..I felt the need to give it one more go by...Looking forward I felt the need to do right by this group of people..getting them to channel energy forward facing would put them in a position no other facility could touch..they got it..they made the job easy, they just needed a kick in the butt, and some tlc...I got a do over...this time with open communication and learning for me, and for them...
I loved the year I spent there...it was a transition and opportunity to learn/guide and give like no other..Opening communication to them and taking it from them taught me so much..but it also gave me the insight and clarity to realize that while I loved the opportunity; that this journey would be a short one.
My personal life was disintegrating..I take blame for my half..no more, no less..My personal growth, and self awareness had opened me to realize that my marital relationship would not grow beyond where it was stuck...despite any effort of work, the issues were beyond repair, and my personal goals no longer fit into the mold of the rigid vision my spouse had of his life...So, I told him...pivotal point in any story..the telling...the hurt, the anger... Just post the "I want out" conversation, an opportunity arises..I can move jobs..change...try out the wings on a new challenge...So I leave...thinking perhaps we can try to make it work...Spent one week working away from home, living in a suitcase...The reality of my emotion and making peace with what I felt hit me..I needed to move my life beyond my past..What had been given to me was an opportunity of completeness..Those who know me know that completing a project from start to finish is a struggle..I revel in the change, the idea and the thoughts..but the finishing sucks the life out of me at times...I sat in my hotel room; recognizing that completing the end...getting the relationship to the ending point was in my hands, and I had to finish this task...So, I did...hence where my head and heart have been for the past 6 months..
It has been a struggle...it has hurt. I have lost friends and family. The negative, hateful words we both spewed...oh so not good...trying to maintain a professional level of work, while dealing with the personal angst in my life...has pushed my sanity envelope at times...shredded any sense of self right to the very core of my being...I have put 10 years of living into 6 months..trying to figure out who I was and what I really needed personally to support the professional need..
But I now know what I am about..who I am...I am me...professionally, I know my strengths and weaknesses. I can now recognize what I have to offer...what I have to give, and what I can expect from those whom I serve and work with..I get the tasks...I get the vision...and to achieve and complete both, I have come to recognize who and what I need from my personal life to fill that tool basket. It has occurred to me that to be truly successful as a leader, it is not as simple as having the skills alone; it is the support and nurturing of those you surround yourself with that make you feel complete and right in your role as leader.. Simply put it is having that person or persons in your corner who get what you need on a personal level to make the professional side that much better..
It is the banter and communication of far fetched ideas and outlandish venting without judgment or sarcasm...It is the simplicity of having a true ear that listens, absorbs and supports...It is the shoulder rub and dinner served on a crazy, horrific day...It is the giving back when spontaneous support comes your way unexpectedly..It is appreciating the gifts of self others give you..It is recognizing that simple gestures and kind words repair and heal better then any purchased superficiality..
So my journey has taken me thus far..I am on the healing side of change..both personally and professionally. I am seeking sanity amidst the chaos of the change I instituted..knowing that the future holds a very different picture..but one where I have the ability to fill my tool basket with the emotional support and nurturing necessary to lead and create change..
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I look good in orange...
Busy..can you say it like a four letter word? My life has been a ball of chaos, but the storm is in full force now and the momentum of change is taking over...so..life is grand..right where I enjoy it the most....on that note..I am a tad fired up about a bit of information that was given to me last week, and the more I have had time to digest,dwell and ponder, the more irritated and angry I have become. So, in typical fashion I am going to vent. Enjoy..Jana
I wonder how many of my esteemed collegues, like I; wake up mid night drenched in a panic/nightmare sweat of being arrested for something that happened while their building was under their watch? Yes America, we have criminalized care and you all have not only allowed it but condone and encourage it. I have decided that if something bad is going to happen, a mistake getting made, a rule broken, and I am ultimately responsible for anothers actions, my only saving grace is that orange is a good color for me. No longer is it just my personal actions that come under scrutiny, it is any action, mistake,regulation not followed that could lead me to hand cuffs and the orange jumpsuit..and quite frankly I have asked myself after every nightmare why do you do this to yourself? What is worth this personal torture? I have decided that either I am a glutton for punishment, or I am a fighter and am willing to put myself out there for what is right and worthy; damned be the consequences....
Up until last week, fighting against a known entitiy, unneccesary regulations that are subjectively imposed; and attorney generals who enjoy using nursing homes as a back bone for campaign strategy...Those were my two known potential handcuff wielders..Now? Our own physicians have entered into the "punishment" arena as a means of obtaining notice for their agendas. Apparently, we, nursing home administrators make nice targets for public scrutiny and out cry. Yes we are a criminal bunch; the whole lot of us.
Currently in Michigan there is legislation proposed that will offer up some form of "punishment" for nursing home administrators of homes that have too many patient/elder discharges back to hospitals. Confused? So am I. As an administrator, I do not wield the pen/phone/fax that sends people to the hospital; the Dr. does. So how does criminalizing me, (by the way, I have been told that the original legislative proposal has been watered down to eliminate criminal action against my type, it is now simply fines and money penalties to be levied against us/our buildings.) make this stop residents from going to the hospital uneccessarily? As an elder advocate, this legislation frightens me on several accounts..
First, as an elder I should have the right to demand hospitalization when I feel it is needed...It is my right as a patient/resident. Second; the Dr. should retain his medical judgment to determine the need/necessity of hospitalization. Third, few administrators are clinical based individuals, why would you want them to determine who goes and who doesn't?
I understand somewhat the need to stop unneccessary hospital admissions and discharges from nursing homes. It is costly; it can be cumbersome. But companies who benefit from keeping residents in care facilities, (check with your managed care/HMO provider..they tout this as a selling point) are pushing this agenda, as it benefits them in the long run..My uneducated but rational mind tends to wonder if this legislation isn't a tad self serving to these companies that make money by keeping people in the nursing home; and avoiding hospital stays? It is their reward/payment system set up by our government.
So in my mind, by using us, Administrators; they are hoping to put fear in our hearts to keep residents in our building, and money in their pockets. Nice..and it should scare you that the HMO/Managed care organizations behind this proposed legislation has partnerships with physicians who provide services in many Michigan nursing homes. Do the pieces of this puzzle fit for you now? They certainly do for me..and the entire story is leaving me more then a tad ill. To think that the very Dr.'s who provide services in many of our homes; would bite this hand that feeds them; to gain a tad more in the other hand.
Huh, and we wonder why american's are apathetic about their government really representing the best interests of all.....
I wonder how many of my esteemed collegues, like I; wake up mid night drenched in a panic/nightmare sweat of being arrested for something that happened while their building was under their watch? Yes America, we have criminalized care and you all have not only allowed it but condone and encourage it. I have decided that if something bad is going to happen, a mistake getting made, a rule broken, and I am ultimately responsible for anothers actions, my only saving grace is that orange is a good color for me. No longer is it just my personal actions that come under scrutiny, it is any action, mistake,regulation not followed that could lead me to hand cuffs and the orange jumpsuit..and quite frankly I have asked myself after every nightmare why do you do this to yourself? What is worth this personal torture? I have decided that either I am a glutton for punishment, or I am a fighter and am willing to put myself out there for what is right and worthy; damned be the consequences....
Up until last week, fighting against a known entitiy, unneccesary regulations that are subjectively imposed; and attorney generals who enjoy using nursing homes as a back bone for campaign strategy...Those were my two known potential handcuff wielders..Now? Our own physicians have entered into the "punishment" arena as a means of obtaining notice for their agendas. Apparently, we, nursing home administrators make nice targets for public scrutiny and out cry. Yes we are a criminal bunch; the whole lot of us.
Currently in Michigan there is legislation proposed that will offer up some form of "punishment" for nursing home administrators of homes that have too many patient/elder discharges back to hospitals. Confused? So am I. As an administrator, I do not wield the pen/phone/fax that sends people to the hospital; the Dr. does. So how does criminalizing me, (by the way, I have been told that the original legislative proposal has been watered down to eliminate criminal action against my type, it is now simply fines and money penalties to be levied against us/our buildings.) make this stop residents from going to the hospital uneccessarily? As an elder advocate, this legislation frightens me on several accounts..
First, as an elder I should have the right to demand hospitalization when I feel it is needed...It is my right as a patient/resident. Second; the Dr. should retain his medical judgment to determine the need/necessity of hospitalization. Third, few administrators are clinical based individuals, why would you want them to determine who goes and who doesn't?
I understand somewhat the need to stop unneccessary hospital admissions and discharges from nursing homes. It is costly; it can be cumbersome. But companies who benefit from keeping residents in care facilities, (check with your managed care/HMO provider..they tout this as a selling point) are pushing this agenda, as it benefits them in the long run..My uneducated but rational mind tends to wonder if this legislation isn't a tad self serving to these companies that make money by keeping people in the nursing home; and avoiding hospital stays? It is their reward/payment system set up by our government.
So in my mind, by using us, Administrators; they are hoping to put fear in our hearts to keep residents in our building, and money in their pockets. Nice..and it should scare you that the HMO/Managed care organizations behind this proposed legislation has partnerships with physicians who provide services in many Michigan nursing homes. Do the pieces of this puzzle fit for you now? They certainly do for me..and the entire story is leaving me more then a tad ill. To think that the very Dr.'s who provide services in many of our homes; would bite this hand that feeds them; to gain a tad more in the other hand.
Huh, and we wonder why american's are apathetic about their government really representing the best interests of all.....
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Goals Realized...
Just a short congratulations to my previous building..WAY TO GO! I am incredibly proud of every member of the team at Yale..wow..you are a highly successful, highly trained and most importantly great people who get customer service and the impact it has on each other, your company and the people you serve..
I hope each of you wear this honor with pride..Your abilities and dedication continue to amaze and impress...I am so very proud to have been your leader for a brief but incredibly fun moment in time...
Awesome job!
jana
I hope each of you wear this honor with pride..Your abilities and dedication continue to amaze and impress...I am so very proud to have been your leader for a brief but incredibly fun moment in time...
Awesome job!
jana
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