Transcending Leader and Becoming a Mentor

I consider myself blessed. As I reflect on my life today; I think of the positive influences that others have been for me. But I specifically think about someone who has been not only my boss, a friend and confidant; but truly a mentor. I wonder if our mentor's ever really know the impact they have on our lives, and that by their willingness to share their expertise, wisdom and advice how they have molded our direction.

I feel that perhaps if I share a little of my personal journey, you may reflect on where you are in your career development and how you could transcend your leadership into becoming a mentor.

The reason for this reflection? Several of my peers have commented on my driven attitude, and passion to create change, and how "intense" I have become about using and adapting ideas to create the change I envision. In my attempt to answer the "why" of this personal change for myself it occurred to me I owe the change to an incredible mentor. My mentor is someone who sets me up for success, allows me to learn from my failures; walks me thru my frustrations and has made me face my personal demons. For the past seven years, I have worked for the same company as an Administrator. The experience alone though, does not account for my personal development. I give credit for my personal development to a true leader, my mentor.

So what did she do? You need to first know, that when I first started working for her I was deathly afraid of her. I had heard stories of her cutting tongue, her sarcasm and general attitude. Little did I know, that by opening myself to her comments, and style, I would learn not only how to lead, but also about myself and how to help others on their own journey. As our relationship developed, we would have conversations that left me with ah ha moments about how to handle problems, and think for myself.

Being given the opportunity to have success, and failure, and how to deal with both has been the biggest skill I have learned from her. This skill has now transcended into how I share success with my staff, and allowed them to learn from failed attempts. I think that as leaders, we too often find fault with the failed attempts, instead of finding a new skill or insight. As a true mentor and leader she has allowed me to learn both, and likewise it is a pattern I hope to develop for others as well.

As part of my personal development, she has given me the opportunity (many painful discussions); to think about how my past "stuff" has limited, or created road blocks to my personal development. Again, an area that as leaders we are apprehensive about going down with our staff; perhaps it has to do with our own insecurities, but as leaders being real, sharing and taking the risk of putting our "stuff" out there can be a cathartic experience that gives other insight into their own growth.

Observing her style, and absorbing her style has left me with a new found appreciation of leadership and what skill sets it requires. We are two very different people; I exhaust her with my constant idea chatter, and she perplexes me with her silent, slow response to it. I drive her crazy with my lack of appreciation for deadlines, and her need for systematic approach to problem solving makes my ADD go full tilt. Yet, because as a leader she recognizes that I am different, she has adapted her style, and her vision for me to fit me, not her needs.

How many of us as leaders have said to ourselves it they would just "act like me" it would work. The reality of this statement is that it takes all types of styles to create a functional team. Unfortunately the ability to recognize the needs of our teams, and peers can be a difficult task and reality to accept. A true mentor, is able to get beyond the differences and adapt for the needs of the individual.

For the past two years, I have been working hard on my own personal development. Most of the hard work has come with conversation with my mentor along the way. Questions about why, how, what and where have become more clear as I have progressed. Again, these questions were not answered alone; but rather with reflections from her about things along the way. As leaders, it can be quite frightening when our "leadees" become more confident, inspired and have the audacity to question our wisdom. Yet, as a mentor, she has recognized this as a sign of growth, and not weakness on her part. As leaders, we can make the mistake to perceive the new found confidence as a threat or something that must be thwarted. True mentorship takes this as a sign of their influence and it is good.

So what does it cost to transcend from being a leader to mentor? If you desire to leave a legacy, become a mentor. If you want to be known by your style and approach; stay as a leader. If you hope to find and train your replacement, become a mentor. If you want to be irreplaceable, stay a leader. If you want people to talk of the wisdom and where they learned it, be a mentor. If you want them to talk about how they learned what not to do; be a leader. If you want to create change, be a mentor; allow people to see who you are, share with them; help them find out who they are and what they are capable of. The results could be changing for you; but more importantly for them.

Happy Nursing Home Week, and a sincere thanks to the people who have given me the opportunity to celebrate it with my elders, staff, peers and families. Thank you to the owner and leadership of our company who continue to inspire our journey to creating a culture of care that we all want to live and work in. A special thank you to the mentor who has driven me to look at where I am, and what I am intended to do with the rest of this journey!